


Bokuto’s Sweet Ass

by Choking_Noises



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Bad Decisions, Bad Flirting, Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Grown Up, M/M, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Not a university AU, They're vegans, bad everything, bros being bros, enjoy ???, for some reason, i used the word cuck and idk how the internet feels about that, its cute or whateva, they live in a really small apartment and share a bathroom, where is kenma we dont know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-04-19 02:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14226801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Choking_Noises/pseuds/Choking_Noises
Summary: Bokuto’s and Kuroo’s All Exclusive Bro Coupon: the best thing to receive and the worst thing to give away.The real question is, what the fuck is Kuroo going to do with it?





	1. Kuroo is Superhuman (Not Really, if Anything He’s Less Than Average)

**Author's Note:**

> everyone: claire, stop making bad jokes  
> me: *makes this fanfic*

“Do you like nacho doritos or cool ranch doritos more?” The room had been conversationless before, and Koutarou just couldn’t stand for that.

Kuroo tilted his head to glance at Koutarou, contemplation on his face.

“Nacho. Cool ranch are only good sometimes,” Kuroo concluded, and started stirring the vegetables sautéing in front of him.

Koutarou and Kuroo were in their small ass kitchen. Koutarou can’t cook for his life, so he was sitting on the counter, probably in Kuroo’s way. But Kuroo was managing, because damn did that food smell fucking good.

“One time I ate a whole bag of nacho doritos at a birthday party and threw them up all over the bathroom,” Koutarou so pleasantly added. “So I’m gonna have to go with cool ranch.”

“Awe, poor 7th grade Bokuto, covered in regurgitated doritos,” Kuroo cooed. “Poor baby.” He stirred the vegetables again, looking a lot more like Koutarou’s mom than he would have liked. Kuroo was wearing his favorite pair of plaid pajama pants (that had pockets in them, “fucking pockets, bokuto!”) and a black t-shirt that said something American on the back, topped off with a fantastic red apron. That wasn’t really helping him on the mom spectrum.

“Poor me? More like poor bathroom. That shit was fucked up,” Koutarou sighed, unable to hide some dumb smile on his face. He’s so stupid, really.

“Fucked up like your mom. Ayyeeeeee,” Kuroo laughed, his shoulders comically rising up and down.

Koutarou could only let out a sigh in reply, considering he just compared Kuroo to his mom.

“Dude, get it? Like I fucked your mom,” Kuroo turned at Koutarou who was next to him, legs kicking back and forth over the counter. Bokuto chuckled, and slid himself onto the ground, strolling to the fridge to get a soda.

He pulled out two, and gestured one towards Kuroo, who shooed him away.

“Beer,” Kuroo simply said, not even turning away from his dish.

“No,” Koutarou protested, shoving the soda back in his face.

“Bokuto, bro, I swear to fucking Jack Black I’m not fucking doing this today,” Kuroo took his time to lay the spatula next to the stove top on a towel and turn his entire body to face Koutarou, a strict look on his face.

Koutarou was not phased.

“We need to stop drinking so much, it’s unhealthy,” He raised his brows, trying to cross his arms while holding soda cans in each hand. He looked stupid, probably.

“Yeah, I don’t care,” Kuroo whined, moving Koutarou over with his arm.

“We made a pact!” Koutarou cried, moving his body back in the way of Kuroo. “How are we supposed to go vegan if you keep chugging down the bud light, bro?”

“I’ve had a long day,” Kuroo sighed, giving up and taking the soda from Koutarou’s hand. “And beer’s vegan, you cuck.”

“Aweee what happened at work?” Koutarou untangled his arms and cracked open his refreshment. Ahh. “My poor Tetsurou.” He leaned back against the counter, knowing dinner would be done soon.

“Too many girls hitting on me, I’m just so hot, Bokuto. It’s draining,” Kuroo turned back to his vegetables, then panicked. As much as Kuroo can panic. “LOL I think they’re burnt.”

“Tell me about it,” Koutarou laughed.

“Hey, asshole. Don’t insult my fucking cooking. I’m trying so fucking hard Bokuto-ass.”

Koutarou yelped offendedly. “How dare you think that, I appreciate your wholesome cooking so much. I’m talking about the being hot thing,” He felt his cheeks get a little warm from being embarrassed, even though Kuroo was obviously fucking with him. It’s an everyday thing.

“Oho you think I’m hot?” Kuroo smirked directly at him, eyebrows raised to the gods. Koutarou felt his stomach flip.

“I’m talking about my undeniable sex appeal, Kuroo. Stop misunderstanding me,” Koutarou disappointedly sighed, taking gulp of his soda.

“Well, it doesn’t matter now, because dinner is fUckiNg rEaDY bro!” Two plates were captured from the cabinet and soon covered in various squashes and onions. It smelt pretty good for the ground’s sacrifice.

“Why are we vegan anyways?” Koutarou asked, grabbing their plates and walking to the dining room, AKA a nightstand and two lawn chairs they put in the empty corner of their kitchen because family dinners are important to them.

“I don’t know, some woke shit,” Kuroo replied, following him.

“Man, dude that’s fucking deep.”

“Tell me about it.”

The next few minutes were filled with the clatter of Koutarou and Kuroo gobbling down their first bites of food as fast as they could. Dinner was at a successful nine pm tonight.

“Sex dungeons,” Koutarou started, stabbing his fork into a thickly cut squash.

“Agreed,” Kuroo answered nonchalantly, shoving another bite into his mouth.

“Like Fifty Shades of Grey shit,” Koutarou added. He swallowed.

“No,” Kuroo sat down his fork and reached for his drink. “I work a nine to five desk job for fifteen dollars an hour. I don’t have the money for all that kinky shit.”

Koutarou sighed and took another bite.

“They aren’t burnt,” Koutarou smirked with his fork at his mouth, focusing on the rine of the soft cucumber.

“Yeah, I was wrong,” Kuroo chuckled. “Thankfully. Are you busy?”

“Huh?” Koutarou glanced up at Kuroo, fork in his mouth, with two raised eyebrows. “Tonight?”

“Yeah,” Kuroo replied. Koutarou wondered why he would ask him that, when he knew damn well Koutarou never had plans, let alone ones that didn’t involve Kuroo. And it’s nine pm, for fucks sake.

“Yeah, I do,” Koutarou hummed. “A fun get together with a couple of sophisticated associates at the Smithsonian. It’s at ten, so I’ve got to get going.” He finished up his last couple bites of food, and glared at Kuroo, barely containing a laugh.

“I hate you,” is all Kuroo could say to express his fondness, “I really fucking do.”

“Aweeeee, Tetsurou-chan, how could you ever say that,” Koutarou frowned, pulling his hands to cup his face, fake sobbing.

“I’m going to the grocery store after this. You’re coming with me,” Kuroo frowned playfully, grabbing both of their plates and tossing them in the bottomless pit that was their sink. Well dinner was fast. “And don’t ever call me that again.”

“Tetsurou-channnnn,” Koutarou whined.

“If that comes out of your mouth again I’m drinking a fucking six pack of beer and passing the fuck out,” Kuroo walked out of the kitchen into the hallway that lead to their bedrooms.

“Then who will go to the grocery store?” Koutarou asked, getting up from his seat and following. He walked into their shared bathroom to examine his face in the mirror, turning on the sink.

“That’s not a part of my threat,” Kuroo yelled from deep inside his room. Koutarou imagined he was changing his outfit, something more Walmart suitable. Wait, does Walmart have a dress code? The people in America fucking shit themselves there. “Come on let’s go!”

“No!” Koutarou yelled back. “I still have to brush my teeth!” He quickly reached at his toothbrush and squirted a sizeable amount (heh) of toothpaste.

As he brushed, Kuroo rounded the corner and joined him at their only sink, spare the kitchen one. “You sure the fuck do,” he smirked. Kuroo really does think he’s funny.

“You too, asshole. Get the vegan out of your fucking mouth,” Koutarou insulted through a mouthful of toothbrush. Kuroo just sighed, and grabbed his own toothbrush. It was one of those spinning ones, because Kuroo is too good for normal toothbrushes.

After the spit fiasco, Koutarou skipped to the front door while Kuroo walked closely behind. He grabbed his man purse from the hook on the wall (the hook Kuroo bought with his man purse especially for his man purse) as Koutarou bounded outside.

“Dude, haha, look at your fucking out fit,” Koutarou laughed, pointing at Kuroo’s fantastic get-up.

“Hey, at least I took off the apron,” Kuroo smiled, kicking the door shut with his foot, back turned to it like a badass. Kuroo’s so cool sometimes.

“Yeah... but not the slippers?” Koutarou grinned so helplessly with his palm pressed to his forehead, overwhelmed by the image of Kuroo in one of those people of Walmart compilations.

Koutarou’s eyes panned up to see a very unamused Kuroo, eyebrows knit about crossed arms. The key to their apartment was hanging from his fingers, therefore he must have locked it while Koutarou was laughing too hard at something that wasn’t even that funny.

“Come on, Bokuto. We’ve got groceries to buy,” Kuroo pushed Koutarou down the stairs in front of their apartment onto the pavement, where they started their journey to the mini mart three blocks away.

“Yeah, let’s make sure the ice cream doesn’t melt!”

Kuroo groaned.

—

“Have you ever ate those blue tortilla chips and been like, damn. That’s a fucking blue tortilla chip.”

“I’m pretty sure they’re black. And this is the second tortilla chip central conversation we’ve had today, so why don’t you pick a new topic?” Kuroo grabbed a box of cereal and tossed it into the cart in front of him. So far they had gathered a bag of apples, two cantaloupe (Kuroo hated them but always got them because they’re Koutarou’s favorite), a “whole ass head of broccoli” as Koutarou so kindly put it, and now a box of golden grahams, that were going to be subject to some wholesome almond milk.

“Ok, um,” Koutarou hummed, trying to not be offended by Kuroo’s topic diss. “Cocaine.”

“A lot of people do it,” Kuroo answered immediately, grabbing a box of Lucky Charms. Koutarou punched him in the arm. “But not me, because it’s not a part of my vegan diet.”

“Is cocaine animal byproduct?” Koutarou wondered out loud.

“Can we not talk about this in a public place?” Kuroo mocked Koutarou’s tone, turning his head to land a stern look at him. Koutarou gasped, and Kuroo chuckled, turning into the next aisle.

“Says the guy who literally mooned me in the parking lot,” Koutarou sighed, grabbing a bag of chips and slam dunking them into the shopping cart.

“Surprisingly enough,” Kuroo started, “I’m a lot more tame when my blood-alcohol count is higher than 0.05%.”

Koutarou, walking next to Kuroo, looked him up and down. He looked silly in his stupid pajamas, but Koutarou wasn’t really focusing on that. Kuroo has a really nice body. Koutarou already knew that, but it was just nice to think to himself.

“You can buy some vodka if you want,” Koutarou gave in, considering he wouldn’t mind seeing a drunk Kuroo in their living room. “Or whatever.”

“Oh yes, Dad. Thanks,” Kuroo extended his hand for a high five, which Koutarou so gladly received. Koutarou threw a bag of veggie straws into the cart. “Oho why the veggie straws?”

“Because they’re underrated.”

“True,” Kuroo pushed the cart forward, steering towards the alcohol section. “Oh god do I love being of age.”

“You’re an alcoholic,” Koutarou kicked the back of Kuroo’s ankle.

“Am not,” he frowned jerking the cart so Koutarou would stumble.

“It’s hilarious,” Koutarou slapped his hand onto Kuroo’s back, “How much the idea of alcohol boosts your mood.”

“No, dude. It’s the idea of hanging out with my best bro, Baby-Boku-Bro,” Kuroo smirked like satan, really testing Koutarou’s limits.

“I love it when you call me baby,” Koutarou coughed.

“No homo,” Kuroo said, sharply turning into isle eleven, alcohol town.

“No, all the homo,” Koutarou laughed, following him.

“What are you feeling tonight?” Kuroo asked gazing at the shelves of piss poor supermarket alcohol.

“Missionary style. With your mom,” Oh yes, good one Koutarou.

“We’re getting two bottles of Smirnoff,” Kuroo stayed true to his claim and placed them into the cart. “You want something special? It’s on the house.”

_Yeah, my dick sucked._

“Yeah, can we get Oreos?” Koutarou skipped over to a center display and grabbed a pack of double stuffed, waving it in front of his face. Kuroo giggled, and Koutarou swore there was a blush on his face.

“Not really what I had in mind, but I’m down,” Kuroo grabbed the Oreos from Koutarou’s hand and super-saiyan threw them into the cart. “Oh shit, they’re probably fucking demolished.”

“Yeah.”

“Damnit Kuroo.”

“I’ll get a new pack?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Okay.”

“Alcohol really does boost my morale,” Kuroo sighed.

—

“I think I’m in love,” Kuroo giggled.

“Huh?” Koutarou asked, taking a sip of his drink. They were back in the apartment, and down one bottle of vodka. Kuroo had lost his pants and shirt about an hour ago, and was currently limp on a beanbag chair. Koutarou was sitting on the floor, his back pressed to the back of their couch. He was too drunk to be uncomfortable.

“Oreos plus vodka equals,” Kuroo paused to make an explosion sound effect while using motions with his hands around his head. “Mind blown.”

“Dude, that sounds disgusting,” Koutarou cringed. “Why ruin a perfectly good Oreo?”

“Because it’s fucking good,” Kuroo took a oreo from the pack and dipped it in his solo cup filled with vodka. Koutarou continued to cringe. “Dude just try it.”

“Oh fuck no,” Koutarou cried. He was drunk but not that drunk. “Kuroobro you’re so wasted.”

“Like your mom. Ha.”

“Get that thing away from me!” Kuroo had removed the oreo from the cup and brought it near Koutarou’s face, leaning in awfully close. “AHahaAAHHHH KUROO. EW—I, no!”

Koutarou was helpless when it happened. He should have closed his mouth. He should have kicked Kuroo in his unprotected ballsack.

The moment it hit his tongue, Koutarou flipped out, and spit it onto the rug.

“Thank god we didn’t go to college together, can’t even handle a vodka oreo,” Kuroo joked, his words slurred together.

“I’m going to kill you, that was awful,” Koutarou sanitized his mouth with more vodka. “And, for the record, I was the best at college. Good grades, hot bod, and I could play beer pong like a fucking champ. Suck my dick.”

“Sure.” Kuroo deadpanned. His cup was empty, so he poured something along a hundred shots of alcohol to refill it.

“What?” Koutarou paused. His heart stopped beating. Was today the day? The day Kuroo would finally have sex with him?

“SsUureeeeee,” Kuroo repeated, definitely changing his tone. “Sure you were good at beer pong.”

Koutarou’s heart was beating again, but too fast to be healthy.

“D-do you,” Fuck, Koutarou, don’t you dare stutter, “Do you doubt my beer pong skills?” He giggled a little, to cover his confusion. Shoot him. Someone just shoot Koutarou in his indecisive heart.

“I’m—Bokuto?” Koutarou looked up at him, eyes immediately making contact. “Do you think I could chug this entire bottle of vodka?”

Koutarou’s head was spinning.

“If you can’t do it you owe me twenty bucks,” Koutarou smirked, taking his last sip.

“And if I can..?” Kuroo smiled back, eyebrows raised.

“Twenty bucks. And my dramatic reading of Deepthroat by Cupcake.”

“Oh Koutarou, you icon,” Kuroo purred. “You know chugging an entire bottle of Smirnoff is a whole ass challenge, don’t you think I deserve more?”

“You won’t be able to do it,” Koutarou crossed his legs, leaning forward towards Kuroo.

“Heh. Bet,” Kuroo sighed. “If I can do it, I get one free all exclusive Bro Coupon.” Bro Coupons were things Kuroo and Koutarou gave each other because they are literally the most typical people ever, and they’re best friends. They’re constantly around each other anyways. An all exclusive Bro Coupon gets you one dare, bet, item—anything you want. They’re extremely rare.

If Koutarou gave one to Kuroo, it would be the death of him.

“Bet.”

Kuroo raised the bottle to his lips, humming in anticipation. He parted his mouth, and wrapped it around the bottle, mouthfuls after mouthfuls of vodka filling his throat. Thankfully it was only half full, versus the “whole ass bottle of vodka” Kuroo was claiming. If not, he probably would have died of alcohol poisoning at this point.

He’d already conquered half of the original amount, and Koutarou was getting antsy. He didn’t mind giving up twenty dollars or a dramatic reading, but a Bro Coupon? All exclusive??

That’s when Kuroo swallowed his last sip.

“WoohoooooOooOOOOOOOO!” Kuroo celebrated. “Look at that, Bokuto! Look! I fucking did it!” Kuroo cackled.

“No! Dude, look there’s totally another sip in there.” There wasn’t one. “Kuroo, please don’t do this to me.”

“Bro Coupon, Bro Coupon!”

“I thought I was the annoying one?” Koutarou exhaled. He had lost. Koutarou started to stand up when Kuroo grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

“Oya, oya, Bokuto,” Kuroo whispered, the actual stench of a depressed, middle aged man floating from his mouth. “I’m shit faced. This is embarrassing.”

“Yeah, I know. And to think this night started with my denying you a beer,” Koutarou slurred, trying to stand up only to be dragged back down by Kuroo.

“Hey, hey, Bokuto?” Kuroo whispered even closer to his ear. Koutarou was about to use all his strength to ply himself from Idiot Kuroo when he started another sentence.

“Have my all exclusive Bro Coupon ready when I get home from work.” 


	2. Solid Scissor Dick Stroke (Not Really)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo is so hopelessly in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m planning on a couple more chapters for this, so stay tuned if you’re enjoying it. this is actually the first ever multiple chapter thing i’ve ever posted on here so don’t execute me my jokes are awful and kuroo is really in love but it’s not my fault i love them.

Tetsurou sighed.

He’s been doing that a lot lately. Sighing, for absolutely no reason. Tetsurou, that’s edgy. He watched the road in front of him, the empty passenger seat in his peripheral. The sky was still blue, wispy white clouds scattered amongst it. The sun was low, although shining as brightly as noon.

He got off of work at 5:15. Like he does every other damn day of the week.

Tetsurou is planning fruit salad for dinner. He’ll put cantaloupe in it, because he knows that’s what Bokuto wants. And they have snacks if Bokuto is still hungry, which he will be.

Tetsurou relaxed his head against the rest and smiled helplessly. Thinking about Bokuto shouldn’t make him so happy. Tetsurou rubbed his fingers against the leather of his steering wheel. He’ll see him soon.

—

“Welcome home,” Bokuto greeted Tetsurou the moment he walked through the door. Tetsurou saw him outstretched across the entire couch, dressed completely in workout gear. His backside was up, tightly clothed in a pair of running leggings that Akaashi had bought him for his birthday.

“Rough day?” Tetsurou teased, knowing Bokuto hasn’t worked all summer. He also hasn’t helped with rent for the past three months, but Tetsurou couldn’t care less. He knows Bokuto will get his shit together eventually.

“You’re bullying me,” Bokuto groaned, rolling over on the couch. “I’m looking for a new job. I’m just scared.”

“Yeah, those Japanese businessmen. Watch out, they bite,” Tetsurou bared his teeth at Bokuto, who just whimpered. He hung his satchel (which Bokuto insisted on calling a man purse) up and heaved his cumbersome suitcase to his bedroom.

Their apartment was small enough for Bokuto to talk to Tetsurou from his room, if that’s a good enough size reference. “I don’t want to get fired again,” Bokuto replied, a little louder.

“You won’t,” Tetsurou said, but he didn’t mean it. Knowing Bokuto, he could fuck anything up.

He opened up his suitcase, and pulled out some paperwork he had to fill out before tomorrow. Stocks and stuff.

“I wanna be a Chef,” Bokuto admitted, in all seriousness. Tetsurou laughed, he couldn’t help it.

“Yeah, great idea,” He chuckled. “If you could cook.” Tetsurou smiled, again like he did on his way home from work. “There’s a reason I make dinner every night.”

“Yeah, because you love me,” Tetsurou lost his breath. That one hit close to home. “And bro, stop killing my dreams.”

“Dreams are just dreams until you make them a reality,” Tetsurou smirked.

“You sound like my first year counselor,” Bokuto laughed, making Tetsurou laugh too. Thinking of first year Bokuto made Tetsurou smile.

“That’s what you should do,” Tetsurou thought out loud. “Be a school counselor. You’d love that.” He shut his suitcase, clipping the sides up as he dropped it beside his bed.

Before Bokuto answered, Tetsurou heard the shuffling of feet make their way towards his bedroom. Bokuto happily walked in, and plopped at the foot of Tetsurou’s bed. “I’d be so shit at that.”

His back was laid flat to the mattress, legs dangling over the bottom. Bokuto threw his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling with one of his resting grins. The way his arms were stretched, the hem of his shirt rode up just enough for Tetsurou to get a startling view of Bokuto’s exposed waist. He felt his heart skip a beat, and instantly cursed himself. It’s just embarrassing at this point.

Tetsurou raised an eyebrow at Bokuto, giving him the que to elaborate.

“I don’t even know how to solve my own problems, if some kid asked me why their mom and dad don’t love each other anymore I’d just tell them to go finger their asshole or something.”

“Koutarou!” Tetsurou slipped. He’s so old. “That’s awful. Maybe you shouldn’t be a counselor dude.” Tetsurou wanted to smile, at how quirky and stupid Bokuto was. Crude. But he didn’t.

“Yeah…” Bokuto trailed off, still sporting the smile that never left his face. Well, right after he got fired from his last job he was constantly upset. At first it was just typical “Bokuto Emo Mode” but it turned into him just watching documentaries all day and showering for fun. It was weird to see an emotional guy like Bokuto have no feelings.

Tetsurou, being as tired as he was, decided to lay down next to Bokuto on his bed. He’d like to start dinner soon, even though he knew they wouldn’t get around to it till 10pm.

They were close, but just as close as they normally are.

Tetsurou didn’t want to think. He just wanted to take a fucking nap.

“So…” Bokuto started, tilting his head to look at Tetsuro. “How was work?”

Tetsurou groaned mentally. _The same as it always is, Bokuto. I go to work, I print stuff, do some math, and clock out._ Tetsurou kicked his feet _. And you weren’t there, so of course I didn’t have a good time._ “Good. All the girls hitting on me.”

Bokuto chuckled. “That’s what you said yesterday.”

“Well, Bro, it happens everyday.”

“Yeah, I know,” Bokuto laughed again, and Tetsurou joined. They’ve had much funnier moments, it just felt appropriate.

“And your day? Don’t tell me you got all dressed up for nothing,” Tetsurou smirked, gazing down at Bokuto’s outfit. He’s assuming he went on a run or to the gym or something. Bokuto has time for that.

“I’m telling you.” Oh. “But I started a new book.”

Oh god.

“No! Kuroo, don’t give me that look,” Bokuto screeched, so high pitched. Tetsurou wasn’t even looking at him. “I promise, this one is really good.”

“Do you think I should read it?” Tetsurou asked, propping himself up on his elbow so he could give Bokuto the look. The are-you-still-confident-in-your-claim look. Tetsurou could tell, he was not.

“Well, um—not exactly,” Bokuto smiled, embarrassed. “It’s, um. Not your wave.”

“I don’t have a wave,” Tetsurou deadpanned. Bokuto blushed. Oh fuck, what has Tetsurou done?

“Edwa—smsksmmmmm,” Bokuto mumbled, his blush deepening.

“Hmmm, what was that Koutarou?” Tetsurou purred. He had no idea what was coming, but he knew it wasn’t going to be good.

“Edward ScissorHands,” Bokuto coughed. His cheeks were literally beet red. “X reader.”

There was a pause.

And Tetsurou swears, he’s never laughed so hard.

“Kuroooooo,” Bokuto pleaded through laughs. “Kuroo, stoppppppp.” Tetsurou was sitting up now, knowing damn well his cheeks were bright pink. Warmth was radiating off of his face. Bokuto grabbed onto his shoulder playfully, shaking him back and forth. “Kuroooo!”

“Sorry I’m—,” Tetsurou stopped laughing. “That’s great, Bro. Best thing I’ve heard all day.” Tetsurou hunched over and rubbed his palms into his eyes. There was no way he could take a nap if he lived with Bokuto Koutarou. And it wasn’t entirely his fault.

Tetsurou suddenly remembered something very vital.

“Hey, Bokuto?”

Bokuto, rubbing his forehead, sat up immediately, wearing his best owl expression. It was so, unhealthily cute. Intoxicating, at most.

“Let’s get down to real business.”

Bokuto cringed.

“My All Exclusive Bro Coupon,” Tetsurou had almost forgot.

—

“You know, you don’t have to watch me while I make it,” Bokuto sighed as Tetsurou watched him from the kitchen. Bokuto was sitting on the bar, with their lamp on, surrounded by an entire box of crayons. The bar also substituted as their desk.

Tetsurou was, in fact, watching him. The way Bokuto scrunched his nose when focused, and how his big hands held the little crayons. He’s a huge kid. His hair kept falling into his eyes, and he would push it behind his ears, then it would fall back down, repeat. He didn’t spike it up today.

“But you’re coloring it so nicely,” Tetsurou purred. Bokuto looked up at him, annoyed. He was mad for no reason, Tetsurou had no idea what he was going to do with the coupon.

He thought he could make Bokuto do his laundry for the rest of his life, maybe because Tetsurou is lazy, maybe because he wants a way to keep Bokuto in his life forever. But that wouldn’t work, he’d just have dirty laundry all the time.

Then he thought he could get Bokuto’s humidifier. But that’s lame.

“So you can’t plagiarize it. The more detail, the harder it is for you to make a fake one,” Bokuto explained, and Tetsurou took that as pretty good reasoning.

“Well, I’m gonna start dinner,” Tetsurou hummed, walking towards the fridge. Their kitchen was disgusting most of the time, but Tetsurou and Bokuto had extreme cleaned last week. It was still disgusting, just more bearable. He got all the fruits he could find, which wasn’t much, and dropped them onto the cutting board, kicking the fridge door shut with his foot.

“Uhgh,” Bokuto groaned when he saw what Tetsurou was preparing. “Can’t you make some dumplings or something?” Tetsurou glared at him, to see Bokuto with his head in his arms. He was really upset about some fruit.

“Dude, no,” Tetsurou sighed. Dumplings sounded good, but he didn’t want to go to the store again. And they really didn’t have the money right now.

“C’monnnn daad,” Bokuto pleaded. He hates that. “We can get vegan shit.”

Tetsurou had a cantaloupe in his hand. He looked at it. He doesn’t even like cantaloupe.

“Sure, whatever,” Tetsurou tried to play it off, but couldn’t _not_ smile. He knew, that when he turned around, Bokuto was going to be so ungodly happy. Bokuto’s joy is contagious. Tetsurou is infected.

And he was right, Bokuto was smiling so hard he looked like he was going to break. _It’s just dumplings, Koutarou._

“But,” Tetsurou managed to sound stern through his undeniable bliss, “We’re not leaving till you finish my All Exclusive Bro Coupon.”

There was a sigh.

Then a couple of furious scribbles.

“Here,” Bokuto groaned, handing him a small slip of paper. Tetsurou felt the wax crumble on his fingers as he examined it. ‘All Exclusive Bro Cuupon’ in permanent marker. ‘Issued to Kuroo Tetsurou’ in red crayon. And about every other color of the rainbow debuted the card, in intricate designs Tetsurou couldn’t replicate if he wanted to.

_Adorable. So fucking adorable._

“I was hoping you’d forget about it, that’s why I didn’t make it until you made me,” Bokuto admitted, looking ashamed. Tetsurou laughed, putting the Coupon in his wallet (yes, it was that important) and grabbing the fruits and tossing them back into a shelf on the fridge.

“Why?” Tetsurou pressed. Bokuto couldn’t actually be afraid of him.

“I—“ Bokuto paused as Tetsurou looked at him, eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t—it’s a big deal! Do you remember what happened last time?”

“Yeah,” Tetsurou frowned. “You stole my humidifier.”

Bokuto gasped. “I’m talking about the last time you had one!” Tetsurou paused to think about it. It was a year ago.

“I made you lick Akaashi’s belly button while he was asleep.”

“See! You have to understand why I’m scared!” Bokuto got up from his seat after turning off the lamp.

“That was an awful dare anyways, this one will be better,” Tetsurou promised. Bokuto groaned.

“That one was bad enough! Akaashi made me move out!” Tetsurou huffed. Bokuto is an idiot.

“No, dumbass,” Tetsurou grabbed his satchel and switched his slippers out for some slides while he talked. “Akaashi moved to Paris to study abroad.”

“Because of the belly button licking!” Bokuto whined.

Tetsurou turned away from the wall to look at Bokuto. He was still in his workout gear, that he didn’t work out in, but an added windbreaker. He was looking at Tetsurou too, but casually. Like anyone else would look at him.

Their eyes met, and Tetsurou felt a warmth on his cheeks. Bokuto looked so _hot_ with his hair like that. He looked so disheveled, not as put together as usual. Not like he’s usually put together or anything.

Bokuto’s hair is always hard, covered in gel. But it looks soft like this, which makes Tetsurou want to run his fingers through it even more.

Oddly, Tetsurou didn’t know what to do with his hands. He glanced away from Bokuto, breathing a little faster than usual. Damn him. He stared at his hands by his sides for a split second before shoving them in his pockets. He had changed out of his work uniform into jeans and a hoodie, because he’s never going to dress like his dad.

“Kuroo? Bro?” Bokuto called him, walking up to join him at the front door. “You seem…” He trailed off, which shot a pain of worry in Tetsurou. If someone doesn’t have words to describe something, it’s probably because they don’t wanna face the facts. He can’t be that obvious. Bokuto can’t _know_. One time, one time Tetsurou takes his time to admire Bokuto. The one time he falters in the slightest.

Tetsurou tried to turn his head away from Bokuto as casually as he could, he couldn’t stand just _standing_ there.

But Bokuto raised his hand up to Tetsurou face, and tilted his head so they were eye to eye. Any other day, Tetsurou would have been drowning in the intimacy.

“...Tired,” Bokuto whispered, something Tetsurou rarely hears him do. “You seem tired.”

Tetsurou felt like he was going to cough up an entire Deepthroat by Cupcake. What the fuck.

“Yeah, I am,” Tetsurou answered hesitantly. He backed away from Bokuto’s hand, and covered it up by pretending to tie his shoe. He was wearing slides, but Bokuto would never notice.

“Yeah, probably all the v-vodka, bro,” Was Bokuto stuttering? “Ya know, hangovers and stuff.” Tetsurou looked up at Bokuto from his crouched position. He was blushing. Oh, Tetsurou, what have you done?

“Yeah,” Tetsurou agreed, knowing damn well he hasn’t got a hangover that lasted more than ten minutes in three years. It’s the only redeeming thing about his genetics.

“Well, um, lets fuck up these dumplings bro.”

“Fuck it up Kenneth.” 


	3. What's a Bokuroo Fic Without Bad Decisions?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twenty bucks is spent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it wasn't obvious I don't know anything about Japanese currency but I love gay guys and bets so it had to be done. This is all in American currency because conversions are difficult and it's probably easier to understand anyways. Plus I'm in love with all versions of Daichi especially cool Daichi. 
> 
> Hey and if you cared here are some good songs:
> 
> Scavenger by Finish Ticket  
> Pleaser by Wallows (this one is ass sweet as bokut0s ass)

“Kuroo?” Koutarou called. Kuroo was sitting criss cross on their couch while Koutarou was at the other end. He was wearing his glasses, which made him look so funny. And cute. Kuroo always had to wear his glasses when he read. 

Kuroo paused from reading, and lifted his head to look at Koutarou. 

“Are you off this weekend, or just today?” Koutarou asked. He really wanted to be able to be bros with Kuroo all weekend, because they don’t get to hang out much before Kuroo gets off. Being an adult sucks ass. 

“Today and tomorrow, but I have to work Monday,” Kuroo answered, glancing back down at his book. 

Koutarou groaned. “C’mon dude,” Koutarou scooted closer to him on the couch, peeking at the cover of his book. “Why are we just sitting here then!?” Koutarou exclaimed, grabbing Kuroo’s book right out of his hands. He threw a napkin in place of a bookmark and tossed it across the room.

“Bo! What the fuck, that’s a library book,” Kuroo sighed, mournfully looking at it on the floor. 

“Let’s do something,” Koutarou suggested, tapping Kuroo on the shoulder. Kuroo looked at him, dark circles under his eyes, lips turned into an unamused frown. His glasses were tilted more on the left then on the right, so Koutarou fixed them for him. 

Koutarou swears he heard Kuroo gasp, but assumed it was just his imagination. 

“We don’t have any money,” Kuroo frowned, eyes darting to the side. 

“I have money, let’s go do  _ something. _ We can’t sit in this fucking apartment forever,” Koutarou laughed kicking Kuroo in the leg. Kuroo just sighed, pressing his head into the couch. “Let’s go to the mall.” 

“The mall isn’t fun if you’re single and don’t have any money to spend,” Kuroo was really being a debbie downer today. It’s his day off, for fucks sake. Get your head out of your ass Tetsurou. “Adults don’t go to the mall unless they need something.”

“Kuroo, bro, get over yourself,” Koutarou said, punching his arm. Kuroo laughed, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Ok just, give me a second to get ready. You too, my date isn’t wearing  _ that  _ shirt.” 

Koutarou’s mind lingered over the word  _ date _ as he glanced at his shirt. It was his favorite one. 

“But dude,” Koutarou started while Kuroo got up from the couch, “I am a fun gi.” 

Kuroo had no words. 

—

“Ok, so here’s how it’s gonna work,” Koutarou started as they walked into the mall. It was a big one, with tons of stores. Koutarou used to come with Akaashi all the time before graduation. “First, we need to buy something pretty big.” 

Kuroo sighed. 

Koutarou looked at him, standing casually with a lazy smirk on his face. He was wearing black jeans and a red shirt, Koutarou approved. 

“Hear me out—,” Koutarou grabbed Kuroo’s shirt sleeve, pulling him through the food court. “It will make up for it.” Koutarou flashed him a huge grin, and Kuroo frowned, obviously covering up a smile. 

“This better not be…” Kuroo looked around, down each huge corridor outlined in stores. “Stupid.” 

“Oh, it will be,” Koutarou assured him, continuing to drag him to one of the huge light up maps near them. “See, we’re here,” Koutarou pointed to the arrow that said ‘you are here.’ 

“Yeah no shit, bro. I’ve been to a fucking mall before,” Kuroo sneered. 

“Hey, don’t be such an ass, ass,” Koutarou poked his side. Kuroo laughed, a pink shading his cheeks. “Ok, what do you want?” 

Kuroo looked at Koutarou, placing two fingers to his chin. 

“Hmmmm,” Kuroo pursed his lips. “Well, I don’t have any fucking money, so I don’t know.” 

Koutarou groaned. “Ass, ass alert.” 

“Shut up,” Kuroo growled, even though he was smiling behind his hand. Koutarou wanted to poke him again, but he didn’t want to be annoying. 

“Ok, well, I want new shoes,” Koutarou put his hands on his hips, turning to Kuroo. “So we need to go that way,” He pointed down the left corridor. 

“New shoes? Really?” Kuroo followed Koutarou, who was walking fastly to his destination. He felt something grab the back of his shirt, slowing him to a stop. “And don’t run, we’re not in a rush.” 

Koutarou rolled his eyes. “I want new dress shoes. My old ones are from High School.” 

“What do you need dress shoes for?” Kuroo asked. 

“Job interviews. I wanna look nice, right?” Koutarou looked at Kuroo, who widely stared at him back. 

“Yeah,” Kuroo coughed, continuing to walk forward. Koutarou only hoped he could look as good as Kuroo looked when he dressed nice. Kuroo normally wore black dress pants and various shades of button up shirts to work, so Koutarou got to see his best often. If only he could see him in a suit… (a birthday suit) 

Once they arrived at the shoe store, Koutarou and Kuroo went in. Koutarou immediately wanted to run down the aisles, but, as if Kuroo could sense it, he was ushered to the dress shoe section. 

“How about these,” Koutarou asked, standing up in a pair of plain black shoes. If Koutarou had an actual say in the matter, he would’ve gotten some with a cooler design. But those Japanese businessmen, they hate interesting. 

Kuroo looked at him, scanning his body up and down. He stared down at Koutarou’s shoes for a couple seconds before responding. 

“Nice.” 

“How do I look?” Koutarou teased, spinning around. He and Kuroo fake flirted a lot, so Koutarou expected him to say something like ‘sexy’ or ‘hot.’ 

“Good,” Kuroo smiled, scanning Koutarou’s body again. Somehow, a ‘good’ flustered Koutarou a lot more than his expected sexy. Good meant, he actually meant good? Like he  _ actually _ thinks Koutarou looks good. Koutarou self consciously glanced down at his shoes. He guesses he did look good. 

“I’m gonna get these,” Koutarou decided. “Would you hire me bro?” Koutarou asked sincerely, putting his hands on his hips and flashing his brightest smile. Kuroo gulped, but Koutarou didn’t know why. 

“I don’t know, what’s on your resumé?” Kuroo pressed, making Koutarou more stressed. 

“Ugh,” Koutarou paused. “Hello, I’m Bokuto Koutarou! Nice to meet you,” He held out his hand, hoping Kuroo would play along.

He did. Kuroo gave him a strong but short shake in reply, and smiled too. “Kuroo Tetsurou. Please have a seat.” They both sat down on opposite benches used for trying on shoes, and continued. 

“So, Bokuto-san,” Kuroo shot Koutarou a serious look, pretending to read off a clipboard. “Why do you want to be a…” Kuroo furrowed his brows, thinking. “A shoes salesman. What’s so enticing about that?” 

“Hmmm,” Koutarou crossed his legs. “Everything. Shoes mean everything to me. I’ve been wearing them since I was little! Can you believe that?” 

“Oh, no I can’t, Bokuto-san. Very interesting,” Kuroo smirked, scribbling on the air in front of him. 

Koutarou ran his finger through the collar of his shirt, fanning himself and wiping his brow. Kuroo made eye contact with him, and they both fell into a fit of giggles. 

————

“So,” Tetsurou said, “We got our big thing. What’s next?” Bokuto just looked at him and laughed.

“So dense, bro,” He snickered, walking out of the store with his shoe box in a big plastic bag. Bokuto was wearing blue jeans and the same black and purple windbreaker from yesterday. He looked good, but when does he not? 

“I’m not dense. You literally only told me we needed to buy something big, dude, how am I supposed to know?” Tetsurou asked, frowning. 

“Well, you’ll find out,” Bokuto smiled, knowing too well that he was getting on Tetsurou’s nerves. They continued to walk down the strip of stores in comfortable silence, well not really  _ silence _ because they were in a mall filled with chattering people. But they didn’t talk, and Tetsurou was ok with that. He needed time to recoup after all this Bokuto interaction. 

He was really in too deep. Tetsurou glanced to his side to look at Bokuto. He’s so cute. When he walks, his head bobs up and down, and he hums when no one’s talking. And you can tell he took time on his hair, because it’s gelled the way he gels it for big events. 

And that made Tetsurou smile, because Bokuto thought going to the mall with him was a big event. 

“Before you find out,” Bokuto started, “You need to get something big too.” Bokuto smiled at Tetsurou, who just remembered he was staring, and forced his eyes in front of him. 

Tetsurou has money, but not really  _ treat yourself  _ money. He’s been halfway supporting Bokuto for a while now, and he didn’t really have money for himself before that. He doesn’t mind, really. Bokuto is his best friend, he would do anything for him. If Bokuto moved back in with his parents, Tetsurou wouldn’t know what to do with his life. 

Bokuto means everything to him. 

But that doesn’t mean he can go ham on a pair of pants or anything. 

“Dude, I’ll pay for it,” Bokuto sighed, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I owe you twenty bucks, remember?” Bokuto smirked, eyebrows raised. 

Yes, Tetsurou remembered. But he didn’t actually want Bokuto to waste money on him. 

“Stop acting like you’re gonna deny free money, bro,” Bokuto teased, punching Tetsurou’s shoulder. Tetsurou was trying to resist, but a smile spread across his face. 

“Ok, ok,” He laughed, “What should I get?” 

“Hmm,” Bokuto pondered as they walked forward. There was a brief silence while Bokuto sported many faces of contemplation. “Here,” Bokuto broke the silence, pulling Tetsurou by his arm into clothing store. “You need a cool shirt.” 

“Brokuto,” Tetsurou chuckled. “I don’t think we have the same definitions of  _ cool. _ ” 

“Stop acting like an adult, Kuroo. We have the same taste, and you know it.” Hmmm. Tetsurou didn’t know it. 

They were in some hipster store, and Bokuto was frantically pushing through shirts on the rack. He had let go of Tetsurou’s arm, but Tetsurou was still thinking about it. 

“This one,” He said, holding up a shirt for only a split second before throwing it over his free arm. 

“Dude I couldn’t even see it,” Tetsurou frowned. 

“And this one,” Bokuto continued, not even worrying about showing Tetsurou this time. “Ooooh and this one.” 

“Bro,” Tetsurou groaned, reaching for the shirts Bokuto had gathered. 

“Bro,” Bokuto said in an offended tone, moving his arm away from Tetsurou’s grab. He walked away from the rack and went to a new one, full of collared shirts. 

“Oho why so dressy?” Tetsurou asked as Bokuto pulled three shirts from the rack.  

“Because,” Bokuto replied, “You look good in collared shirts, dude.” 

Tetsurou felt his cheeks get red. This entire day has been a roller coaster of Bokuto affection, first with the glasses, then the pokes, and now this? Tetsurou couldn’t take it. 

“Ok,” Bokuto paused. “This is enough. Go try them on,” He smiled so wide, holding all three hundred shirts up to Tetsurou’s face. Tetsurou frowned helplessly. Why did Bokuto have to be so perfect? But so annoying at the same time?

“Dude,” Tetsurou glared at him, taking the shirts. 

“Yeah, dude. Get over yourself, we’re having a good time,” Bokuto shot him a serious look, pushing him to the dressing rooms.

This was the second time today that Bokuto had told him to get over himself. Is Tetsurou really being that much of a prick? 

“Make sure you show me what they look like,” Bokuto instructed Tetsurou. “I’ll be here waiting!” Bokuto patted the cushion next to him, smiling. Tetsurou felt like he was shopping for school clothes. He knew he was blushing, so he beelined for the first stall and shoved himself inside. 

“Oh, Kuroo,” Bokuto smirked, raising his brows. “That one is,” He kissed his fingers tips like a chef and sighed. “Yes.” Tetsurou felt nervous, standing in front of Bokuto, letting him just mercilessly stare him down. 

“You think so?” Tetsurou asked, pulling at the shirt. It was a button up, light pink. He left a couple buttons undone at the top, and it fit a little tight on his waist. “Don’t you think I already have one like this?” 

“No, you don’t,” Bokuto answered, very sure of himself. Why he was so confident, Tetsurou didn’t know. “We’ll get that one, and the long sleeve white one with the orange lettering on the front. Dude, the girls are going to be  _ all _ over you!” 

Tetsurou cringed. He was hoping girls was a code word for Bokuto. “I think this adds up to a little more that twenty dollars,” Tetsurou sighed, walking back into the dressing room to change out of the shirt. 

Bokuto audibly sighed while Tetsurou changed. He walked out and put the other shirts on the rack, taking his two with him.

“This doesn’t count as my Bro Coupon,” Tetsurou reminded Bokuto as they waited in line. 

Bokuto groaned. “Don’t remind me.” 

They moved up in line. 

“Bro, you know I trust you,” Bokuto said. He shouldn’t. “But, I’m terrified.” 

That’s fair enough. Tetsurou was planning some pretty fucked up shit, well, he would have been planning some fucked up shit, if he wasn’t so god awfully head over heels. 

They arrived at the front of the line, and Bokuto pulled out his wallet while Tetsurou placed the shirts on the counter. Bokuto handed them a hundred dollar bill and took his change. Tetsurou felt bad for taking Bokuto’s money, but he knew Bokuto wouldn’t let him leave the mall without something. So he just compiled, and they left the store. 

Now both Tetsurou and Bokuto had bags in their hands, probably looking like middle aged moms or fourteen year old girls. 

“Ok, we both bought something big,” Tetsurou started as they walked down the corridor that seemed to never end. “What’s next?” 

Tetsurou had an idea of what was next. He assumed Bokuto was going to say  _ “Kuroo, now we can go steal something!” _ and Tetsurou was going to have to tell him that they are adults, and no matter how small the chance of them getting caught is, it wasn’t the best idea. Sure, stealing from a big business isn’t going to hurt their company, but “ _ Bokuto, we’re adults.” _ Tetsurou was the new Akaashi. God, he hates himself. 

“Nothing, I just wanted you to get something for yourself,” Bokuto flat out said, not tripping over his words, not changing his expression. Like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Tetsurou was going to explode. “Well, let me get something for you. You’ve been doing a lot for me.” 

“I, I’m sorry that I haven’t really been myself lately,” Tetsurou felt bad. Some days he’s exactly who he was in highschool, and some days he’s the responsible and boring guy that he hates. It’s not bad, it’s just not him. 

“Ah, dude, you know i’ll love you no matter what,” Ow. Bokuto doesn’t know what it really feels like, when he says he loves Tetsurou. 

“Yeah…” Tetsurou smiled to himself, despite all his mixed emotions. 

After the brief moment of emotional overload, Tetsurou and Bokuto walked in silence for a moment. They were back in the food court, about to exit, before Tetsurou said something. 

“Let’s do something stupid.” Tetsurou looked at Bokuto, who just smiled wildly big, punching his shoulder for the 80th time today. 

“Oh, yes yes yes YES!” Bokuto danced, dragging Tetsurou out of the mall, into the parking lot. “Kuroobro, I know exactly what we’re doing.” 

—

When they walked into the apartment, smoke instantly flooded their nostrils. The room was dim, and only the lights of candles and a few lamps illuminated in the room. Two people were sitting on the couch, one of them rising from his seat to greet Tetsurou and Bokuto. 

“Daichi!” Bokuto smiled, running up to give him a manly hug. 

Tetsurou knew Daichi too. They dated in high school, it didn’t work out. They were better as friends anyways. He greeted him with a hug, and a hello. 

Daichi looked different from high school. He was wearing a black t-shirt and some normal blue jeans, but had a full blown sleeve of tattoos crawling up his arm. He looked cool. 

Tetsurou now saw Sugawara sitting on the couch, legs crossed in a pair of shorts, holding a joint. He waved at him, and Sugawara replied with one of his angelic smiles. 

Bokuto and Daichi were talking about something, but Tetsurou couldn’t really focus. Bokuto didn’t tell him what stupid thing they were doing. That’s terrifying. 

“Come sit down,” Daichi said, gesturing to the living room. They followed, and Bokuto sat on the couch while Tetsurou resided in a big chair. “Tadashi will be here in a second, with Tsukishima.” 

Bokuto groaned. Tetsurou didn’t know any of these people, but apparently Bokuto did. Bokuto mostly talked about Akaashi, and Tetsurou knew he had other friends, he just never thought he would meet any of them. 

“You call him Tadashi now?” Bokuto asked Daichi, eyes wide. 

“Yeah, we’ve been hanging out a lot considering he’s given me almost all of my tattoos,” Daichi answered. “Don’t worry Kuroo, you’ll love him.” Tetsurou didn’t doubt that, but he didn’t know he looked worried either. 

“All of his tattoos, except this oneeee,” Sugawara smiled, pointing to a hickey on the side of Daichi’s neck and kissing the spot. Daichi’s cheeks flushed, and looked embarrassed until Suga took his lips into his own, and engaged in a sloppy kiss. All Tetsurou could do was look at Bokuto sheepishly, while they both silently laughed their asses off. 

“Yeah, but, Suga actually gave me a tattoo,” Daichi said after they separated, Suga still laying into his chest. “It’s…not the best.” Tetsurou expected Sugawara to object, but he just silently nodded, and pulled up on the shoulder of Daichi’s shirt. It was a very sloppy heart with an arrow through it, colored in with an annoying pink and a  _ Koushi _ at the bottom. 

Tetsurou laughed, but it was sweet. Everything about their relationship was intoxicatingly sweet.

He looked at Bokuto, who was laughing too. His shoulders were rising up and down. He looked happy to be seeing his friends. 

“Ok,” Tetsurou said, “What stupid thing are we doing? Why are we here?” He asked, getting down to business. 

As if on cue, two new people walked into the room. 

“Yamaguchi!” Bokuto called, jumping from the couch to embrace him. Yamaguchi, who he assumed was the previously mentioned Tadashi, was alternative and cute, with freckles and half of his hair tied into a ponytail. The man next to him, who was most likely Tsukishima, was sickly pale, with small rectangular glasses and bleach blonde hair. He was also holding a black bag at his side. “Bro, come introduce yourself!” 

Tetsurou noticed that Bokuto didn’t hug Tsukishima. Just a formal handshake, huh? 

“This is Kuroo,” Bokuto greeted, pointing to Tetsurou. “Kuroo, this is Yamaguchi and Tsukishima.” 

“Aye, nice to meet you,” Tetsurou smirked, greeting each of them with a handshake. 

“Nice to me you too!” Yamaguchi smiled, beaming. Tsukishima only replied with a mildly fond grunt. 

“Nice glasses,” Tetsurou teased, Tsukishima pushing them up with his index finger. They were about the same height, and Tetsurou needed to announce his dominance. 

As they turned back into the living room, Bokuto kicked Tetsurou in the leg. 

“Ok, so, what are you guys getting?” Tadashi asked, taking the black bag from Tsukishima’s hand. 

“Drunk,” Bokuto replied bluntly, smirking at Daichi. Yamaguchi looked completely startled, blushing as Bokuto skipped to the kitchen. 

“Now, you know I can’t say no to that,” Tetsurou grinned, following Bokuto. “But how exactly is that the most stupid thing you could come up with?” 

“It’s not,” Bokuto grinned back, rummaging through Daichi’s cabinets. Daichi appeared, knight in shining armor, pulling a couple bottles down. 

“Beer? Or are we going straight for the hard alcohol?” He asked Tetsurou and Bokuto. 

“Beer,” Tetsurou answered, knowing Bokuto would just shoot him down because they need to stay healthy. He doesn’t know why Bokuto cares so much about his health, really. 

“Don’t listen to him,” Bokuto told Daichi. “Just get us whatever will make us drunk faster, we’ve got business.” What that business was, Tetsurou wished he knew. 

Bokuto started on a story about how Daichi was so  _ badass _ because he was a bar tender throughout university, but Daichi shot him down, assuring Tetsurou that he wasn’t badass. 

Once Daichi finished their drinks, Tetsurou proudly gulped his without caring the contents. So did Bokuto, and they returned to their previous seats in the couch area. 

As Tetsurou returned, he noticed his chair was turned in the middle of the living room. A lamp from the corner of the room was pulled into the center, changed to a brighter setting. The black bag was rolled out, its contents consisted of various needles, motors and cartridges of ink. 

“Bokuto…” Tetsurou’s eyes grew wide. 

“Tetsu…” Bokuto smiled, placing his free hand on Tetsurou’s shoulder. “We’re getting tattooooos!” He cheered, and Tetsurou’s blood went cold. 


	4. Can You Call a Vegan Burger a Hamburger?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto is sensitive and Kuroo really loves that about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no seeee ahhh um listen to: 
> 
> Chasin’ Honey by Wild Party   
> Sun Tan by Wallows 
> 
> enjoyyyy

At first, Tetsurou wasn’t sure why Bokuto considered a tattoo a stupid idea, but then he remembered, he was getting drunk. And he was with Bokuto. 

In the end, Tetsurou had to leave his car at Daichi’s house and they took the bus back home. Because they were that drunk. 

Tetsurou woke up alone in his room, with bright sun shining through the blinds. When he tried to sit up, he got a feeling of lightheadedness. Fortunately, he didn’t have work, so he could just lay back down, though he wasn’t sure he could fall back asleep. 

He rolled over on his side, and snuggled himself into his comforter. His body felt sore, and achy all over. Vague memories of pain and Bokuto floated in his mind as he lay in silence.

Silence, not so long. 

Only a few minutes after waking up, there was a knock on his door. 

And Tetsurou sure as hell wasn’t doing anything to answer it. 

“Kuroo?” It was Bokuto, opening Tetsurou’s door and peeking in. Before Bokuto could bother to ramble himself into oblivion, Tetsurou acknowledged him with a grunt. 

He heard shuffled footsteps reach him after the shutting of a door, a weight dropping onto his bed. Though Tetsurou was worn out, his brain didn’t have trouble recognizing the warm body across from him. His heart started thumping as he tried to cool himself (as much as a drained, half awake person can). 

Good thing his back was turned, because the pressure of Bokuto seeing him all sleepy and gross, wasn’t the greatest. Bokuto situated himself under the comforter, and Tetsurou knew because the warmth on his back was pulled away from him. Was Bokuto really going to steal his peace from him? 

“Kuroo?” The answer was yes. “Kuroo are you up?” Apparently a grunt wasn’t enough. Tetsurou scrunched his face, trying to prepare himself for speaking. 

“Yeah,” Tetsurou said, in the scruffiest and least confident voice he’s ever heard. 

Bokuto didn’t say anything for a while, and Tetsurou took that as the end of the conversation. Why Bokuto was in his bed, he didn’t know. Did he care? No. Even if his testosterone was skyrocketing, time with Bokuto was time with Bokuto. 

“It’s one in the afternoon,” Bokuto informed, rolling closer to Tetsurou. He felt his heart skip, limbs feeling stiffer than rock.

“Oh,” Tetsurou acknowledged, shifting slightly so his ass wasn’t as presumptuously stuck in the air. “Do you have plans?” He asked, sounding more like  _ ‘plannns?’ _ with a slur. 

“No,” Bokuto answered, rolling closer to Tetsurou. 

They laid in silence for a while, Tetsurou’s mind jumping from topic to topic, none of them making complete sense. He could feel himself drifting to sleep again, thankfully. A day off of work well spent. 

Bokuto rolled again, his arm slinging over Tetsurou’s body. Tetsurou froze, even though he wasn’t really moving before. Bokuto has always been a cuddly guy, it just hurts a little more when you’re helplessly in love with him. 

“Wanna do something?” Bokuto asked, his breath on Tetsurou’s neck. Tetsuro shivered, and hoped Bokuto didn’t feel it. 

_ No, not really.  _

“Do you?” Tetsurou asked. The warmth from Bokuto’s body was comforting, no matter how much Tetsurou wanted to ignore it. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t confront Bokuto about how he feels for him, he knows Bokuto is gay. 

Tetsurou just doesn’t think right now is the best time in their lives. 

Well, Tetsurou knows he wouldn’t mind at all. Being with Bokuto would give him a reason for like, everything. And he sure didn’t mind lying in bed with him. 

“Eh,” Bokuto sighed, “I’m tired.” 

“No fucking joke.” Tetsurou laughed. “I can’t even remember what we did last night.” 

Bokuto gasped, so excessively loud. 

“Bro? Have even you seen your tattoo yet?!”

“What?” Tetsurou was surprised, but tired, and confused. Not much of a shock factor. Underwhelming, probably. 

“C’mon dude!” Bokuto practically yelled into Tetsurou’s ear. Tattoo was definitely resurfacing from the night before. He didn’t want to get out of bed, he didn’t want to stop laying with Bokuto. But he supposed you don’t always get what you want. 

He let Bokuto drag him from bed, suddenly feeling a tightness on his back. 

If Tetsurou was a little more awake, he would have been more reasonably worried. 

As he was pulled into the bathroom, Bokuto continued to ramble. Reviving Tetsurou heard him say  _ “Kurooooooo”  _ which resulted in sleepy eye contact. Bokuto’s golden eyes rivaled Tetsurou half opened, sleep deprived ones. Bokuto’s got beautiful eyes. 

“Wanna see mine?” Bokuto asked, immediately showing Tetsurou anyways. He rolled up his short sleeve, exposing his upper arm. Tetsurou could get off on a single image of those biceps any day. 

“Bro..?” Tetsurou asked, not just a nickname this time. The word “bro” was tattooed in an erotic font, on the entirety of his shoulder. It was surrounded with stars, glitter, and Tetsurou thinks he saw a flower somewhere in the mix. The most alarming part was a name scrawled underneath. “Who wrote that?” Tetsurou asked, pointing to the name. 

“The one and only,” Bokuto answered, flashing the most intoxicating smile. It said “ _Tetsurou_ _Kuroo.”_ Right on his fucking shoulder. And Tetsurou wrote it. 

“Dude,” Tetsurou, trying to overcome the actual feeling of his stomach falling out of his ass, said. He placed a hand on his heart, exaggerating. “I’m so flattered.” 

“Yeah bro, but yours is wild.” 

If that was Bokuto’s tattoo, then what the fuck is on Tetsurou?

Is there even anything more wild than that? 

“I’ll take a picture of it,” Bokuto said, running into his room to grab his phone. Where even was his tattoo? Why couldn’t he see it? 

Before he could come to any conclusions, Bokuto was bounding back into the bathroom. Tetsuro felt a hand slide up his back, under his shirt, bunching it up. Tetsurou flinched, because that’s what a normal person would do when a random hand treks up his back. Not because Bokuto is the man of his dreams. 

A click was heard, and Bokuto quickly shoved a phone in front of Tetsurou’s face.

When Tetsurou graduated highschool, he made himself two promises. 1) He would never pay for porn. 2) He would never get a tramp stamp. 

He’s officially broken both of them. 

“Is that…” Tetsurou trailed off. “Did we?” 

“Yeah!” Bokuto exclaimed. “Matching tattoos.” Tetsurou couldn’t believe that what was on that phone screen was also on his body. Bro, same font, same stars, just like Bokuto’s.  _ “Koutarou Bokuto” _ written underneath, worse handwriting than Tetsurou’s. Right on Tetsurou’s lower back. 

“Dude,” Tetsurou panicked. “I’m never bottoming again.” How could anyone take him seriously when he had that monstrosity on his back? Why would anyone put that on someone else's body? Tetsurou’s life is officially over. 

Bokuto, not seeing the realness of the situation, burst out into laughter. God, he’s so. Great? He’s truly awful for signing his name on Tetsurou’s body, but he’s just so perfect. When Bokuto laughs, he actually looks happy. And he’s so gorgeous when he’s happy, how his smile is always big and bright. He always shut his eyes, even though he probably didn’t need to. And he was flushed. 

“No, Kuroo,” Bokuto assured, “I think it’s hot.” Yeah, sure. 

Well, they did something stupid for sure. 

— 

Koutarou felt completely awful. His headache had faded, but his arms and legs felt like they were being held down by paper weights. His stomach churned and of course, Kuroo felt fine. 

“What’s up mami cunto,” He greeted, walking through the front door. When Kuroo left to pick up his car, Koutarou was laying on the couch. And when Kuroo got home, thirty minutes later, he hadn’t budged. 

“Welcome home from prison mom,” Koutarou grumbled through his drowsiness. He looked up a little to see Kuroo shutting the front door. He was wearing his pajama pants still, it’s obvious he doesn’t have a problem with wearing them in public, and a hoodie. Kuroo will never stop dressing like he’s sixteen. 

“Come over here,” Kuroo smiled, turning into the kitchen. He had a couple bags looped on his arms from the grocery store. “I have a surprise.” 

“Surprise?” Koutarou asked, shooting up from his spot. His head rushed, and he immediately regretted his decision. Despite his discomfort, he rushed to the kitchen to discover Kuroo’s present. “This better not have anything to do with the Bro Coupon.” 

“I almost forgot about that,” Kuroo teased, smirking at Koutarou. Fuck, why does he always say the wrong things at the wrong time? 

Koutarou has been spending many sleepless nights thinking about the Coupon, and all tangents that it led to, let it be explicit or not. Kuroo could do ANYTHING. He could force him to assassinate the US president if he wanted to, but Kuroo wouldn’t do that, he doesn’t give a fuck about America. But he does give a fuck about Koutarou’s favorite belt, and he’s not ok with that. 

Koutarou turned to face Kuroo, who had placed the grocery bags on the counter, and say something witty. But Kuroo had pulled out the big guns, literally. He was taking of his sweatshirt right in front of Koutarou. His biggest weakness. Isn’t this a personal thing or something? Shouldn’t he be in his room? 

“Well, aren’t you excited?” Kuroo asked, making eye contact with Koutarou again. His heart was melting. Why is Kuroo so ungodly hot? 

“You’re killing me,” Koutarou frowned, reaching for the bags on the counter. Kuroo blocked him with an arm, and the physical contact reminded him of the morning before. He wanted to get his surprise, and lay down with Kuroo again. Maybe they could watch a movie, or talk about books and TV shows. But Koutarou would be in Kuroo’s arms, visa versa. It didn’t matter. Yeah, what is this? 

“Then perish,” Kuroo laughed at his own awful joke. 

“That’s old,” Koutarou frowned. Surprise was priority. 

“I’m old,” Kuroo chuckled, putting away a couple grocery items. “My birthday is in a couple months, i’m gonna be a whole twenty nine years old.” 

Koutarou smiled. Kuroo is so stupid. Koutarou is only like, a couple months younger than him. 

“We’ll have a big celebration,” Koutarou whined, “now...,” he grabbed the bag in Kuroo’s hands “time for my surprise!” 

He opened up the plastic bag with high expectations. Maybe some more vegan dumplings, maybe a new pair of socks. If Kuroo had gotten him that new video game that he’d play once and forget about, he’d fucking explode. 

The time came, and Koutarou saw his surprise. 

“Condoms?” Koutarou asked, genuinely confused. Is this like, an invitation? To fuck? Because a blatant box of trojans has to mean more than a gag gift. Koutarou’s heart started to thump, and he knew his cheeks were flushing. Not now Koutarou, now isn’t the time to get all romantic. 

“No,” Kuroo grumbled, even though Koutarou saw him skip a beat. “These are for me,” He grabbed the bag back, frowning. Was Kuroo actually mad? “This is yours.” A different bag was shoved into Koutarou’s face, and he messily took it from Kuroo’s hands. 

Koutarou felt, defeated? Was that the word? He really shouldn’t be feeling this. Feeling disappointed, and more upset than he was before coming over here. It was an empty feeling. Over a box of condoms. 

His heart was still racing, but his mind wasn’t elated. It can’t hurt him this much every time, that he knows Kuroo is seeing other people. Even though Koutarou and Kuroo weren’t seeing each other in the first place, nor had they ever been together. Nor had Kuroo ever felt anything for him more than best friends felt. 

Fuck. 

Koutarou felt his throat get sore, from holding back whatever wanted to come out of his mouth. He opened up the plastic bag, and hoped it would be so great that it would make him feel better. 

A pack of socks. 

Great. 

“I know you’ve been needing some,” Kuroo smiled, and didn’t know how irrationally hurt Koutarou was. This is so stupid, just take your socks and be normal. 

“Thanks,” Koutarou said coldly. He knew his eyes were wandering, and he wasn’t tearing up, but his heart felt broken. And Koutarou is always dramatic, but he feels so hurt. It’s stupid, Koutarou’s stupid. 

“I picked up some take out from that new vegan restaurant down the street, I got you a hamburger, I heard they’re really good at this place—”

“I’m not hungry,” Koutarou interrupted, cutting Kuroo off. Fuck, fuck. Koutarou knows he gets into his moods, and he knows he annoys everyone around him when he gets upset. And he knows he’s taking it out on Kuroo, when it’s not even his fault. He should just, stop being a burden, for once in his fucking life. 

He should have told Kuroo he was going to his room, because when Koutarou caught a glimpse of his face he could tell he was concerned. But he didn’t, because he didn’t want to hear Kuroo’s joke about Koutarou’s “emo mode” right now. This, sucks balls.

Koutarou turned from Kuroo and left their kitchen. He disappeared into his bedroom, not forgetting his new socks. 

—

Tetsurou had eaten his dinner. Alone. And he thinks the meal would have been as good as the hype said it was, if Tetsurou wasn’t so upset. But every bite was kind of tasteless. 

He actually has no idea what made Bokuto so...angry? Was Bokuto mad? He looked disappointed, but acted like he didn’t want anything to do with him. But don’t take Tetsurou’s word for it, he’s not the best at reading people.

Which is probably why he has no idea what to do. Bokuto got upset a lot, but normally Tetsurou knew why. And normally Bokuto wouldn’t just storm off like that. 

Tetsurou’s stomach churned. He’s so stupid. This is stupid, really. Tetsurou shouldn’t just be sitting here, he knows he should go talk to Bokuto. He’s been Bokuto’s friend for forever, he knows how he his. He knows that Bokuto thrives off other people, that he loves company. And he’s just sitting at the dinner table without him. Tetsurou is so selfish. 

Tetsurou got up from the table, determined. If Bokuto needed time to think, he had it. Tetsurou is his best friend, and hopelessly in love with him, so of course he’s going to check on him. He’s gotta go see whats wrong. 

He threw away his take out trash and grabbed Bokuto’s hamburger from the fridge, letting his plans unfold as he progressed. And Tetsurou finally made his way to Bokuto’s door. 

Tetsurou knocked, because that’s what you’re supposed to do. Honestly, Tetsurou doesn’t remember ever knocking on his door before now. 

“Who is it?” It was definitely Bokuto, asking him the stupidest question. 

_ Who else would it be, dumbass? _

“Tetsurou,” Tetsurou answered, using his first name on accident. But, he supposes they can use first names now that they literally have them tattooed on each others bodies. 

“Come in,” Bokuto said, and he seemed fine. So Tetsurou did, and opened his door. Bokuto was laying in his bed, underneath the covers.  He wasn’t on his phone, or his laptop. He wasn’t writing in his diary (which he did when he was sad) and he wasn’t sleeping. He was simply lying in bed, nothing to occupy his time. Tetsurou doesn’t know why that image hurt him so much, he’s being dramatic. Bokuto is probably, fine. 

Maybe Akaashi texted him some bad news before Tetsurou got home, because everything’s always about Akaashi. 

Tetsurou didn’t want to say anything yet, because he didn’t really know what to say. He doesn’t want to upset Bokuto even more than he already is. So he joined Bokuto on his bed, sitting atop the covers next to him. 

They sat in silence for a while. Tetsurou could hear Bokuto’s uneven breathing, he could see Bokuto moving. He knew he was awake. And Bokuto knew Tetsurou was there, probably stressed the fuck out. 

“Bo..?” Tetsurou started, that seemed the easiest. Bokuto turned over to face Tetsurou in response. He looked fine, really. It didn’t look like he had been crying, or look like he was about to. His hair was a mess though, and it made Tetsurou want to laugh. 

“Yeah?” Bokuto asked, looking directly into Tetsurou’s eyes. Intimidating, at the least. 

“Here,” He said, grabbing the hamburger and handing into to Bokuto. “You’re always hungry.” 

Bokuto had sat up a little, the takeout hopelessly in his lap. His hands hovered around the edges, like he didn’t know what to do with the box. He decided on opening it, and brought the hamburger to his face. 

“It’s cold,” Bokuto deadpanned. Damn, Tetsurou, fuck. His plan was falling apart. 

Right when Tetsurou was about to give up hope, Bokuto laughed. It wasn’t a huge laugh, but he was smiling. And Tetsurou felt so accomplished, he laughed too. Bokuto put the hamburger back into the box and beside his bed, laughing slightly as he pressed his body into Tetsurou’s. 

Tetsurou felt his heart rushing. Is he doing this right? 

Bokuto leaned closer, and his entire back was against Tetsurou’s chest. Tetsurou hesitantly wrapped his arms around Bokuto’s waist, who had practically made his way into Tetsurou’s lap. He wasn’t laughing anymore, but they felt somewhat at peace. 

The warmth between their bodies made Tetsurou’s cheeks flush. When they sat in silence, the only sound was the rickety creak of a ceiling fan on full blast and their shallow breaths. Bokuto had pulled Tetsurou half way under the covers when he shifted, and their day was ending the way it started. 

“Are, um…” Tetsurou stuttered. He was bothered with not knowing the right thing to say, and having to fight a boner at the  _ really really _ wrong time. “You’re okay?” 

“Yeah,” Bokuto sighed, and Tetsurou liked to imagine he was smiling. 

There was another long silence, until Tetsurou decided what was the right thing to ask. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He tightened the grip around Bokuto’s waist, realizing how intimate this actually was. Bokuto squirmed a little, until he answered. 

“No, not really.” 

“Well, if you need to you can always talk to me, I’m always gonna be here for you bro—“ 

“Let’s just,” Bokuto cut him off, but it was really just to stop his rambling. “Lay here? I’m tired.” 

Tetsurou was about to say  _ “Yeah, sure of course,” _ but stopped himself from being redundant. So Tetsurou just laid back further into the headboard, until Bokuto’s entire weight was pressed onto him. He felt like a good friend. Even though he wanted to be more than a friend. It still felt, rewarding. 

Everything about this night just solidified the fact that Tetsurou had  _ real _ feelings for Bokuto. And he didn’t mind being there for Bokuto, but he never wanted him to have to feel like that. 

And, Tetsurou’s not gonna lie, he was almost hoping this meant that Bokuto liked him back. Or whatever. 

And Bokuto fell asleep in Tetsurou’s arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also comments and kudos are highly appreciated so don’t be scared to drop one :)))


	5. A Clusterfuck, Honestly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're still waiting for Bokuto's Sweet Ass, Claire. This entire fic has been a one note "They're fucking old and have realistic problems" and that's cute, but we're asking for more. We're asking... for that sweet ass that you promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey wow long time no see I haven't updated in about six years. One to two chapters left. I promise. Or do I? But yeah psa I'm not funny and I'm finishing this fucking piece of dumpster-esque art before the goddamned summer is over there's a hundred and four days of summer vacation mother fuckers. 
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry that was a lot. Enjoy.

“Do you remember when you were a kid?” Tetsurou asked, his legs over Bokuto’s lap as he laid on the couch.

“Huh?” Bokuto laughed, looking up from his phone to glance at Tetsurou. 

“Ya know, like,” Tetsurou frowned, thinking really hard on how to word his thought process. “When you were a kid. Before you knew about sex and alcohol.” 

“I’m not that old bro,” Bokuto smiled. “But um, yeah. I mean I don’t really know what there is to remember. I’ve kinda always known about alcohol cause my parents are pieces of shit.” 

“Agreed,” Tetsurou frowned. “Life must’ve sucked. I didn’t even know what masturbation was.” 

“You’re gross,” Bokuto shot him a cringe face, even though he was blushing. Bokuto was the real gross one here, everyone knows that. 

There was a bit of silence before Bokuto talked again. “I remember when I was seven and my parents took me to an amusement park.” 

“Yeah, I bet you loved that. You’re a fucking ball of energy, probably talking to all the strangers in line and your parents having to get onto you.” Tetsurou smiled at the thought of Bokuto as a kid, with normal hair, spinning and jumping and yelling instead of talking. 

“Stranger Danger was their favorite,” Bokuto sighed.

“Last time I went to an amusement park was a couple years ago. When Kenma and Hinata were just starting to get to know each other, blah. The rest is history,” Tetsurou groaned, shifting to his side. 

“You’re so jealous,” Bokuto smiled. 

“Am not,” Tetsurou frowned. He was upset that Kenma moved out, and that they didn’t see each other much, but he was far from jealous. 

“Are too,” Bokuto broke out into a huge grin, leaning closer to Tetsurou. 

“We’re not doing this,” Tetsurou concluded, knowing there was a blush on his cheeks. He’d just gotten home from work an hour or so ago, and him and Bokuto engaged in their daily activities. Talking, relaxing, and more talking. One thing Tetsurou found very refreshing about his job is that he never had homework. And he got paid, that was good too. 

He looked at Bokuto who was back in his original place, scrolling on his phone. The TV was on too, but neither of them ever paid it any attention. He’d stopped paying for cable a month ago, and it just repeated a compilation of three stooges episodes now. 

“Wanna be the best bro ever?” Tetsurou asked, nudging his knee into Bokuto’s side.  

“Always,” Bokuto answered immediately, even though Tetsurou expected him to say something like  _ “Am I not already your best bro?”  _ and weep. 

“Go to the store,” Tetsurou proposed. “I don’t wanna go but we need some shit.” Tetsurou didn’t know what Bokuto was gonna say, because he’s sure he wants to be the best bro he can be. But he’s also sure Bokuto is lazy as fuck, and barely responsible enough to leave the house without Tetsurou supervision. 

No one had said anything, so Tetsurou looked up to see Bokuto staring at him, face so blank Tetsurou was stunned. 

“And I’ll give you twenty dollars to spend on yourself,” Tetsurou gave in, watching Bokuto’s face chance from expressionless to excited, one of the few wonders of the world. 

“Yes dad,” Bokuto exclaimed, pushing Tetsurou’s legs off his lap so he could stand up. 

“I thought we only did that after 9pm?” Tetsurou inquired, only to receive a dismissive Bokuto. 

“I’m getting a head start,” He half mumbled as he ran into his room. He was already dressed—as much as he needed to be—so Tetsurou didn’t know what he was doing. 

After a few seconds of what sounded like rummaging, Bokuto emerged. He was holding a pair of scissors, like he was a fucking superhero or something, up in the air for justice.

Tetsurou really didn’t know what to say, even if Bokuto’s look was completely demanding. 

“Um,” Tetsurou said, still lying on the couch. “What?” 

“The Bro Coupon,” Bokuto answered, so confidently. “Give it to me, so I can chop it up.” 

“What!?” Tetsurou yelled, frantically getting up from the couch. “Why, why would we need to do that?” 

Tetsurou tripped his way over to his satchel that was hung by the door, hearing Bokuto’s rushed footsteps behind him. He lunged for it, hugging onto the mass of leather as he fell on the tile of their foyer. Bokuto, who was going too fast, practically tackled him. 

“Why else would I go to the store for you?” Bokuto replied. Tetsurou was hurt. 

“No!” Tetsurou growled, shoving his satchel deep into his grip. He pressed it hard against his chest, fingers digging into its sides. “You’re NOT taking my Bro Coupon!” Tetsurou rolled under Bokuto, attempting his escape.  

“Then—,” Bokuto groaned as Tetsurou pushed him away. “Why am I going to the store for you?” He asked, regaining his breath. 

“Because,” Tetsurou said, sitting up in the corner with his satchel formed into his chest. He was shaking. When was the last time he went to the gym? “You love me.” 

There was a silence, and Tetsurou felt like he did something wrong, so he started talking again. 

“And I’m giving you twenty bucks,” He paused. Bokuto’s eyes were wide and predator like. He was flushed, maybe from the heat. And he looked really hot. “So fuck off.” 

Tetsurou got up, opening his bag to get his wallet and get the money for Bokuto. After he had got his debit card and a twenty dollar bill, he noticed that Bokuto was still sitting down. He looked like a kicked puppy. 

“What?” Tetsurou asked after Bokuto gave him he most incriminating look. 

“What?” Bokuto frowned. “I’m scared.” 

“Of what?” Tetsurou furrowed his brow. Bokuto’s gone to the store by himself before. 

“The Bro Coupon dude,” He pouted, laying down on the floor with his legs and arms outstretched. “You’re gonna  _ kill _ me.” 

Tetsurou frowned. “What goes through your mind, Bokuto-ass?” 

—

Koutarou likes owls, and that’s something he’s sure will never change about him. He’ll never stop liking owls. 

But Koutarou also likes sunshine, and he likes the taste of it better too. But Kuroo’s list didn’t really specify on what to get or it’s mascot, all he texted in it was “tea.” 

And Koutarou is pretty sure that “tea” could mean many things. Kuroo didn’t say a  _ box  _ of tea. Just tea. 

So Koutarou guesses he’ll just get the owl tea and the sunshine tea. Because it’s in the criteria. 

**_DON’T FORGET TOILET PAPER_ **

_ Soda _

_ Tea  _

_ Beer-that kind with the weird name _

_ Kiwi _

_ Paper plates  _

_ Seaweed  _

_ Stuff to make kimchi or just store made kimchi idc _

_ Cashews i’m still allergic to peanuts so don’t get peanuts  _

_ You can buy urself a snack and it won’t go to ur 20 but don’t buy some stupid shit you have to eat it all  _

_ White wine _

Why did Kuroo want white wine? White wine is gross. 

Koutarou walked over the alcohol aisle, just doing as he was told. Kuroo was probably using it to seduce some lanky gay guy who got his hair trimmed every saturday and wanted to use him and his dick. Koutarou didn’t really like the idea of that. 

He, deliberately, got the cheapest and least appealing bottle. 

—

Tetsurou thought that since Bokuto was doing something, he might as well get some shit done at home. And there were two hampers of dirty laundry with his name written on it. 

After washing and drying the clothes in the laundromat down stairs, one grueling and expectedly uneventful event, he was hauling one huge, combined hamper. And this meant a lot of things. One, he had to separate him and Bokuto’s clothes and sometime that can be hard because Bokuto wears medium work out shirts so he looks buff, when he’s normally a large. Two, there was a high chance him and all his clean clothes would go rolling down the stairs. Three, Tetsurou only had to bring up one hamper, so only one trip. He supposes it’s worth it. 

Against all odds, Tetsurou made it to the apartment with every item of clothing, locking himself in and beginning folding. 

He normally folded Bokuto’s clothes because god knows Bokuto won’t do it. And, yes, contrary to popular belief, Tetsurou cares about Bokuto and wants him to be able to have clean clothes to wear that don’t just end up scattered on his floor. 

Don’t get him wrong, their apartment is nothing close to clean, but it’s really not  _ that  _ bad and Tetsurou would like the keep it like that. If Bokuto was left to his own devices the contents of his bedroom would probably be pouring into the hallway. 

But Tetsurou really didn’t mind because folding clothes isn’t that bad. It’s boring, but sometimes Tetsurou needs that. Living with Bokuto is always action packed, as exhibited from the tackle-bro coupon stunt before.  

Tetsurou held up a dark blue t-shirt, with a black and white sushi roll on it. The vinyl was peeling kind of bad, and that made Tetsurou a little sad. Bokuto looked really hot in this shirt. 

He folded it and put it to the side. 

He grabbed another shirt, and it was Bokuto’s again. Tetsurou was realizing how much he thought about Bokuto. And it’s not breaking news, Tetsurou’s known he had some type of feelings for him for awhile. But he didn’t know he was this deep. 

In all the stories he read in high school, the other guy always like, sniffed the other ones clothes. Like isn’t that kind of weird? They use the same detergent, so their clothes don’t smell different. And now that they’ve lived together for so long, they kind of smell the same. Like unless one of them uses perfume or something. 

Tetsurou remembered the first few times he met Bokuto. Bokuto has always been… eye catching? That might just be what Tetsurou’s gay, horny ass thought. Bokuto wasn’t quite as muscular as he is now, which Tetsurou doesn’t really comprehend. And he always smelt like, like he wanted to be grown up. Tetsurou can’t really describe the smell, but it reminded him of an adult cologne, as if Bokuto wore his dad’s. And at first, Tetsurou thought this might have just been because Bokuto was mature. But he was quick to find out that wasn’t the truth.

Knowing Bokuto, he probably was wearing his dad’s cologne. 

Finally finishing folding, Tetsurou gathered up all of Bokuto’s piles and carried them to his room. 

Bokuto and Tetsurou always just walk into each other’s rooms, when they’re home and when they’re not. Sometimes Tetsurou will come home from work and see Bokuto playing video games on his phone in Tetsurou’s bedroom, legs kicking in the air. He’s such a child. One time they shared Tetsurou’s room for a week because Bokuto thought there was a mouse in his room, only to find out it was just a plastic bag over the vent. 

That was before Tetsurou’s crush had developed so far, and before he felt guilty about having sex with anyone that wasn’t Bokuto. Yeah, it’s unhealthy, but he feels bad because he’s just not into it. But like, married couples have sex all the time and they’re never into it, so maybe Tetsurou could get back into the  _ scene.  _ That’s why he bought those condoms the other day, even though he knew in his heart that he wouldn’t be using them.

That’s gay, Tetsurou. 

Inside Bokuto’s room, Tetsurou started putting clothes away. Bokuto’s drawers actually somewhat folded, so Tetsurou could just lay them in there. 

After the second pile of t-shirts, Tetsurou noticed something on the corner of Bokuto’s bed. It was small, an unfamiliar shade of purple and blue. A huge owl sticker was displayed on the front, the white and worn pages bounded by a ribbon spine. Was this a five dollar diary from Walmart? 

Tetsurou has always known about Bokuto’s diary, but he never imagined it to be quite like this. He thought it was, like a composition notebook? Was that too much to expect from Bokuto? 

Every bone in Tetsurou’s body wanted to read that damned book. 

He wanted to know how Bokuto felt. Bokuto doesn’t have a problem with expressing his feelings, but it’s normally in the moment. Tetsurou never gets to know how Bokuto’s mind works thirty minutes after something happened. 

His eyes darted to the diary. He can’t do it, Bokuto will kill him. 

But, he really wants some blackmail. 

And he supposes Bokuto can’t kill him if he doesn’t know? 

AND Tetsurou really wants to know what the fuck was up the other night. Even if Bokuto said he didn’t want to talk about it, and Tetsurou should probably respect that. 

But when has Tetsurou ever been a respectful person?

Tetsurou looked down at the blue sushi shirt, folded in his hands. 

He really wanted some blackmail. 

Tetsurou suddenly realized that he should probably put this shirt on Bokuto’s dresser, because… it’s his favorite? So that probably means he’ll have to pass the diary, but he won’t touch it. He would never. 

He started walking forward, when his hand accidentally swung on the bed, right where the diary was! Can you believe that! What a coincidence!?

It went flying through the air, falling open face up  on the floor.

Tetsurou threw the shirt to the side, diving for the exposed book. His body slammed onto the carpet, probably disrupting the neighbors beneath them. His legs kicked up in the air as he flipped through the pages giddily. 

On the very first page, Bokuto wrote:   

“Kuroo, if ur reading my journal right now you better stop because this is mine and not yours and if you read it i’m gonna cry please if you read it just don’t tell me just don’t do it or i’ll get you drunk and force you to get matching tattoos with me (even tho that’s pretty rad, we should do that) but yeah big time get the fuck out.”

Tetsurou died a little. He flipped to the next page. 

“Dear Journal, 

Today was a good day <3 <3” 

There was more, but it was about a phone call with Akaashi that made Tetsurou unreasonably jealous. So he decided he’d glimpse over it. There was also a doodle of Bokuto, which was extremely adorable. Bad, but adorable. Though it was a lot better than Tetsurou thought Bokuto was at drawing. He sucks at pictionary for sure. 

“Dear Journal,

Today me and Kuroo decided to be vegan. He doesn’t get it but doesn’t care which is cool because he doesn’t need to. I don’t really know why i wanna be vegan either. But i like when Kuroo cooks because it’s always really good, except for when he uses recipes from facebook. He reminds me of my mom. Like my mom if she was a hot dude.

                                   —Bokuto Koutarou <3” 

First of all, how dare he insult Tetsurou’s facebook recipes. Secondly, Bokuto thinks he’s a hot dude? 

Tetsurou noticed that the next couple of pages were just doodles of vegan foods, with cute little faces. There was one drawing, of Tetsurou with a pan in his hand. Bokuto made him look buff as fuck. The pan doesn’t weigh twenty pounds. 

A few pages later: 

“I’m gonna stop doing the dear journal thing because i’m pretty sure that’s really childish.”

Bokuto…you’re the most childish adult known to man. 

“But yeah yesterday was like one of the best days of my life. Me and Kuroo went to the mall, and i bought him some shirts that he looks sooooo hot in. There’s this one, like collared, like shit that’s the (drawing of an ok symbol hand) good shit. and this other long sleeve one covered up his arms :( but it was still really cute. And then we got tattoos, and wow like wOw. But yeah, that’s the gist.” 

And there was another drawing of Tetsurou, too pretty for his own good. 

Tetsurou had to pause. He felt like he was in a situation where he wanted to smile, but he knew he shouldn’t. The corners of his lips were curling even though he was trying his hardest to keep a straight face. And everything, every thing about Bokuto just came crashing down, and all his feelings were consuming him. He broke out into a huge smile, and a really super happy smile. 

Bokuto cares about him so much. Did Tetsurou really make that day one of the best days of his life? Could Tetsurou really make someone feel like that? 

But, Bokuto was probably just being a good friend. He’s a good friend all the time, so much that he somehow managed to make Tetsurou fall in love with him. 

Should Tetsurou even keep reading at this point? He doesn’t want to get to a page that says something mean about Tetsurou. And ruins his entire mood. 

He turned the page anyways. 

Tetsurou expected Bokuto’s diary to be a lot more Akaashi filled, but since he’s left maybe Bokuto didn’t have anything to write. 

“Dear Journal, (i’m back on my bullshit)

Yesterday was a weird day. I didn’t tell you last night because i fell asleep (in kuroo’s arms XD)” 

Flattered, but did this mother fucker really just use XD? 

“It started off with my book i was reading. Edward got really self conscious about his scissors and convinced himself i was too good for him, and i should date someone with real hands. He doesn’t even know about my scissor feet yet. And i’m still waiting for it to update so i’m left on this, like awful cliffhanger. (Drawing of Edward Scissor hands with hearts around it)”

What can you really say to that?

“Then Kuroo came home and i was already kinda sad but he that he got me a surprise and i was like, freaking jazzed and he was procrastinating giving it to me because he’s an ASSHOLE!! So I just went and grabbed it and opened the bag and it was a box of condoms… here, you tell me journal. Am I extra for being upset?? Like isn’t that gay as fuck. I thought that maybe me and Kuroo were both like, kinda closed off. Like we maybe, just maybe had the chance of getting together? And i know that’s stupid because Kuroo always has sex with everyone and him buying condoms doesn’t like, surprise me? But yeah basically i was upset and I was gonna just forget abt it but I got really upset and just, went to my room.” 

Tetsurou had sat up now, the diary in his lap and his hands holding to the sides tightly. Is that why Bokuto didn’t wanna talk about it? 

Tetsurou really didn’t know what to think. And he probably should have stopped to think about it, and gather his thoughts. But he deciding reading the rest of the entry was more important.

“Like uGh, ugh… UGH!!! Kuroo was so nice to me after and i took advantage of it and now im, hurt? Idk but I do know that i need to get a fucking job, i need to buy a box of condoms too, and me and Kuroo just need to keep being bros. 

                                              —Bokuto Koutarou”

Tetsurou doesn’t know how to express how much he wants Bokuto to do all of those things. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanna be the best bro ever? Drop a kudo. I may be an attention whore, but I do it with absolutely no class.


	6. I Forgot To Add a Title, It’s Gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto and Kuroo really don’t know how to handle situations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long to get out @dummythetragedy kept going thru my doc and adding stupid shit so i had to edit it 10 times, if you see any stupid shit we can just blame it on her. please send her hate mail.

“You could feel his breath on your face. Your eyes were closed shut, even though you could sense the charming smile spread on his face. You opened your eyes, looked right into his, and grabbed him by the face. “I love you,” He said. “I love you too, Edward,” you said, kissing him romantically.”

“Oh God,” Koutarou winced. “I love him so much.” Koutarou cheeks were hot, and his mood was at an all time high. This never got old. He pressed pause on his audiobook, turning to see Kuroo’s reaction. This was the best chapter yet, and Koutarou could tell user x._wolf.heart had put a lot of effort into it. He just wanted Kuroo’s honest opinion.

Kuroo was lying on Koutarou’s bed, on his side. He looked like he was drained, but emotionless. Koutarou can’t read a rock.

“How’d you like it?” Koutarou asked, poking Kuroo with his toe. When Koutarou said that, Kuroo sported a really lazy grin.

“I didn’t,” Kuroo answered. “But I guess I’m more of a Jason man anyways.”

“Oh,” Koutarou gasped. “So you like the bad boys?” He wiggled his eyebrows, and Kuroo just groaned in response.

“Whoever kills me the fastest,” Kuroo complained, sitting up to face Koutarou more directly.

“You’ve been hanging out with Tsukishima too much,” Koutarou whined.

“I don’t even know him,” Kuroo frowned. “We met once.”

“Are you Emo now?” Koutarou probed.

“What? No, why would you—”

“Bro, it’s ok. I’ll get you through this,” Koutarou placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling like an underpaid therapist. “I love you too much to make you go through this alone.”

Kuroo pushed his hand off his shoulder, a pink blush on his cheeks.

“I’ve,” Kuroo paused, “got something I need to do.” He slid off the bed, heading towards the door.

“Awe Kuroo-chan,” Koutarou mused.

“Don’t—“

“You just got home from a long day at work,” Koutarou pouted. “Let me take care of it for you.”

“You sound like my wife,” Kuroo propped his hand on the door frame. “And not that kind of thing, I’ll be right back.” He finished, disappearing into the hallway.

What does that mean? What’s something that isn’t… work? He’s probably gonna like, brush his teeth. But he would say he was brushing his teeth. That’s nothing to be ominous about…

Oh god. What if he’s…

Oh no, he couldn’t be. Kuroo’s already back, and it was only like thirty seconds. He’s not that fast, hopefully.

“You look like you’re thinking really hard,” Kuroo greeted, sitting criss cross on the same place he was before.

Yes, hard indeed.

“How was your day?” He asked, making eye contact with Koutarou. This somehow felt a lot more intimate than a normal stare, and Koutarou wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He wants Kuroo to like him, he really does, but it’s not gonna happen. And Bokuto just needs to get that through his incredibly thick skull.

“Good?” He asked more than he answered. He didn’t really do anything.

“Good,” Kuroo repeated. He grabbed at the nape of his neck like he was nervous. “Um.”

Koutarou glared at Kuroo.

“I know what I’m gonna use the Bro Coupon for.”

Koutarou’s heart stopped.

“Oh my god Kuroo don’t even tell me I’m gonna die you’re gonna burn me alive. Just let me say goodbye to Akaashi while I can,” Koutarou backed up on the bed, pulling his phone out of his pocket as fast as he could.

Kuroo was laughing, a little too hysterically. He looked nervous too.

“So,” Kuroo laughed. He pulled the coupon out of his back pocket, rubbing his fingers over the waxy front, decorated by the one and only Koutarou. “I was thinking…”

“Oh my god Kuroo!” Koutarou whined. “It’s not like I have a choice anyways, just fucking tell me already. I’m not—“

“Will you go on a date with me?” Kuroo interrupted, his eyes darting to the side as he scrunched his face.

Koutarou froze. His heart stopped, and his pupils dilated at least three millimeters. Is this what being in shock is like?

And in the moment, Koutarou didn’t know what to do. He’s been living his life play by play for as long as he can remember. So that’s what he had to do now right? Just do what his body told him to?

“Fuck me Jerry.”

“What?” Kuroo asked, confused, his eyebrows shot up but with a nervous blush on his cheeks.

Koutarou didn’t answer him, but just pulled him into the biggest hug he could manage.

“Bokuto,” Kuroo laughed, Koutarou’s arms constricting his body. He laughed again, and Koutarou felt two farmilair hands pressed into his back.

Then Koutarou thought about it. Was Kuroo just joking? Was this awkward? Wait…

Koutarou quickly pushed Kuroo away from him, his hands on his shoulders and their eyes locked. Koutarou needed to see Kuroo’s face.

He was so incredibly red, a happy smile on his face, not a smirk, a SMILE. His eyes were so sparkly and—

“Kuroo are you crying!” Koutarou laughed, grabbing his face.

Kuroo just sniffled in reply, wiping his eyes.

“No,” He grinned. “I’m just sweating from my eyes.”

“That’s so gay of you,” Koutarou said, hands still pressed to Kuroo’s face.

—————

“Yeah, yeah I get it,” Koutarou groaned. “I’m stupid.”

“That’s not even what I meant,” Akaashi replied across the phone, sighing. “Ok now show me the outfit.” Koutarou obeyed, switching the camera around.

“Does pink even look good on me?” Koutarou frowned, focusing his phone camera onto the top.

“Yeah, but ¾ sleeves don’t, get something fancier too,” Akaashi instructed, his face emotionless on the screen. The angle was from his chest, and a fantastic double chin was showing. Koutarou screenshotted it. He laughed. “Who do you think I am?” Akaashi frowned. “Delete that or I’ll hang up.”

“Ugh that picture is going to be my new background, and I’ll just ask Kuroo what to wear anyways,” Koutarou turned the camera around, a triumphant look on his face. Then, he realized, Kuroo wouldn’t be the best help in this case.

“Click.”

“God Bo the look of utter defeat on your face,” Akaashi smiled. “Definitely my new background.”

There was a moment of silence, where Koutarou really wanted to say fuck you to the whole cause and let Kuroo stick it up his butt right now. But that’s not, as elegant. And Kuroo probably, like, actually wants to go on a date with him. And might be joking. Or. Whatever.

“Show me your closet,” Akaashi started, Koutarou turning his camera back around. He surveyed the closet before speaking again. “Does Kuroo do your laundry?”

“Yeah. He puts it away for me too.”

Akaashi paused, a happy and teasing look on his face. “Wear that one,” Akaashi pointed to a long sleeve pink shirt. It didn’t really work because they were on the phone, but he found it anyways. It was button up, fancy he guesses.

“Really?” Koutarou frowned, “That’s not too fancy?”

“No,” Akaashi said firmly. “And wear those dress pants I got you with the gray threading.” Koutarou knew what pants he was talking about, and pulled them from his closet too.

“Thanks man,” Koutarou flipped the camera, giving Akaashi a wide smile and a thumbs up.

“Always,” He answered quickly, Koutarou about to click the end call button. “Hey,” Akaashi interrupted.

“Yeah?”

“I miss you. I’ll come visit you guys some time soon. Tell Kuroo I said hello,” Akaashi looked at Koutarou more directly in the eye, grinning. “Have fun.” He finished, before ending the call.

—————

“You know it would really be nice if your boyfriend could take his dick out of your ass and you guys visit me some time,” Tetsurou complained, shutting  the door to the closet.

“Hey, rude,” Hinata said from a distance, probably in the living room with Kenma.

“Shouyou, go grab me a drink?” Kenma turned away from the camera to ask. Hinata replied with an affirmative grunt and, probably, bounded to the kitchen. “So you already picked out an outfit?” Kenma now asked Tetsurou, who sat criss cross on his bed.

“Yeah, and the restaurant,” He added, looking nostalgically at Kenma’s now completely black hair.

“Then what do you need me for?”

“Advice.”

“Hey, Kuroo, I’m not exactly the best at—“

“Yeah I know,” Tetsurou interrupted. “You know me better than anyone so…” He shifted, legs hanging off the side of his bed. “I just thought you could help.”

“I mean, I could try,” Kenma giggled, only to receive an annoyed Tetsurou face. “What? Just because you’re helpless when it comes to men doesn’t mean you have to be an asshole.”

“Hey!” Tetsurou frowned. “I am NOT helpless.” He looked at his phone screen, so tempted to press the end call button.

“What advice do you need,” Kenma asked, cutting to the point.

“Do you think I should act like this is a normal date?” Tetsurou asked.

“Oh thanks babe,” Kenma turned from the camera, taking the sparkling water from Hinata. “Took you a while, but I still love you.”

“Highly debatable,” Tetsurou jutted in, scowling.

“What does that even mean?” Kenma turned to look at Tetsurou. “Is this date with Bokuto not a normal date?”

Tetsurou cleared his throat. “No?”

“Hmmm,” Kenma smiled. “You’re helpless.”

“No I’m not!”

—————

Koutarou didn’t like the new toothpaste Kuroo had got. It was too spicy. And it made his tongue dry and his lips tingly, and his teeth sore. For whatever reason.

Koutarou dipped his toothbrush into the back of his throat to get the hard to reach place, and gagged disgustingly. He quickly spit into the sink, rinsing his mouth and the toothbrush.

Kuroo walked into the bathroom, and sat down to take a shit. It’s 2am. They both have a date tomorrow.

“Kuroo?” Koutarou looked at him, pants down, ass out, vulnerable.

“Yeah,” He looked up from his phone to see Koutarou staring. “Don’t watch me while I shit please.”

“Sorry I’m just,” Koutarou looked away. “Thinking.”

“About?” Kuroo asked.

“Do you actually wanna go on a date with me? Like I’ve been thinking about it and I’m like, kind of gross and like oh my god you’re so cool why would you ever wanna go out with me?” Koutarou tried to make eye contact with Kuroo but remembered the situation and turned away fast. “Sorry.”

“Huh?” Kuroo laughed. “I’m not cool.”

“Yes you are,” Koutarou groaned. “And you’re smart, kinda, and you’re funny,” Koutarou paused, holding his hand out to Kuroo’s face while not looking at him. “That’s the scariest part because you are funny and tricking your best friend into falling in love with you would be a HILARIOUS story to tell your other bros.” Wow, word vomit is a bitch.

“I don’t even have other bros, I—“ Kuroo paused. “Can we talk about this while I’m not wiping my ass?”

“Oh yeah, that, that’s a good idea,” Koutarou stuttered, walking out of the bathroom and leaning against the wall. He waited for a few minutes till he heard the sink cutoff and Kuroo emerge, wiping his hands on his shorts.

“So you think…I’m joking?” Kuroo frowned.

“Yeah,” Koutarou answered firmly.

“And you’re not just going on this date because you have to,” Kuroo asked, leaning on the opposite wall in the hallway. It was a, small hallway.

“What no— why would you think that?” Koutarou replied, then slowly fitting the puzzle pieces in his brain. “Oh, the Bro Coupon,” Koutarou cringed. “You really should have used that on something else, I would have gone on a date with you no matter what.”

There was a moment of silence, where Kuroo just stood with his head dipped and Koutarou intently watched.

“Well I’m not joking,” Kuroo said, still avoiding eye contact. “So, yeah.” He looked up, Koutarou making immediate eye contact. “Is everything resolved?”

“Not the sexual tension,” Koutarou whispered under his breath. He’s had too much to drink, god.

“Huh?” Kuroo asked, Koutarou immediately waving it off.

They looked at each other in silence for a while, Koutarou only slightly relived from Kuroo’s news.

“Well, um,” Kuroo started.

“Yeah.”

“I’m gonna,” Kuroo pointed to his room.

“Yeah,” Koutarou agreed. This was a mess. “I’ll just, yeah.”

They both turned away, Koutarou mentally cursing at himself as he walked to his bedroom door. This was so incredibly awkward. Koutarou and Kuroo weren’t even this bad the other night, during the whole Condom Fiasco.

“Hey Bokuto,” Kuroo said abruptly, lightly touching Koutarou’s shoulder. “Um, goodnight.” And he smiled, that stupid dumb smile that looks scarily not like a smirk. And Koutarou’s almost positive he flashed an even dumber one.

—————

[12:10pm] Bokubro: It sucks major dick that you have to work today

 

[12:21pm] Kurobro: You’re lucky I’m on my lunch break. But yeah it does.

 

[12:22pm] Bokubro: *One attachment*

 

[12:22pm] Kurobro: What if one of my coworkers saw that? Tf bro.

 

[12:23pm] Bokubro: It’s not my fault i’m an artist ;)

 

[12:25] Kurobro: Delete my number.

 

[12:25] Kurobro: I get that you don’t have a job or anything but do you REALLY have enough time to make a collage of every single ugly picture you have of me?

 

[12:26pm] Bokubro: The answer is: yes.

—————

“Well, one of us is gonna have to change,” Tetsurou gasped, looking back and forth at him and Bokuto’s practically matching light pink button ups. “We look like two members of a gay sorority.”

“Or,” Bokuto rivaled, “We look like those lollipops that have two sticks and you break them in half and share them with someone.”

“I’m pretty sure those are popsicles,” Tetsurou said.

“We’re strawberry flavored.”

“Look, bro,” Tetsurou was honestly in more of a bind then he could have ever imagined. “I’m wearing this shirt because you think I look good in it, because you literally bought it for me.”

“Hey, bro, I understand,” Bokuto said. “I could never let you change out of shirt that made you look that good.” Bokuto glanced down at his own shirt quickly. “But you’re gonna have to help me find another outfit.”

“Yeah, okay,” Tetsurou agreed, pushing open Bokuto’s door. He rummaged through Bokuto’s drawers, and found the shirt he was looking for quite quickly, considering he put it there. “This one.”

He held up the dark blue shirt with the sushi roll on it. And yes, the decal was pealing, and yes, they were vegan now so they technically didn’t eat the sushi that was depicted on the shirt, and yes, Tetsurou really wanted him to wear it.

“Woah, you don’t think I’ll look under dressed?” Bokuto asked, looking at the shirt held out in Tetsurou’s hands.

“What? No.” Tetsurou shoved it into Bokuto’s arms. “And you’re wearing it for me and you, not all the rich people at the restaurant.”

“Dude, there’s gonna be rich people there?” Bokuto’s eyes went wide.

“Eh, mostly just pretentious people,” Tetsurou said, walking up to Bokuto. “You’ll understand when we get there.” He took Bokuto’s collar, unbuttoning it instinctively. It’s not like he’s never done this before.

When Tetsurou got to the third button, he caught a glimpse of Bokuto’s face, which was redder than a fucking beet. Tetsurou’s first instinct was to stop, because in the past, every time he’s gotten a weird reaction out of Bokuto he just did something else. But he guesses he doesn’t really need to stop. Or want to.

Once he reached the last button, Bokuto’s shirt fell open, and Tetsurou slipped it off his shoulders. He grabbed the dark blue t-shirt from his hand, their fingers awkwardly brushing together, and pulled it over his head. Bokuto fit his arms through, and Tetsurou tried not to die at the fact they just did that.

What the fuck is that.

“So,” Bokuto mumbled.

“We should get going,” Tetsurou gestured out of the room. There wasn’t a reservation or anything, he just wanted to leave the awkward situation.

“Oh, yeah,” Bokuto said, Tetsurou catching a glimpse of the cute smile on his face.

Dear god, this was so weird. In a good way, a chaotic good. This was the first time Tetsurou realized he could actually look at Bokuto and know everything wasn’t as one sided as he thought. He knows Bokuto wants to go on this date with him, and that’s all that matters.

Tetsurou turned and grabbed Bokuto’s hand, pulling him out the door.


	7. I’m in Biology brb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto and Kuroo fuck it up in a couple of settings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was trying to post this before my social studies test but then i took it and literally fuck my social studies teacher. but enjoy this hopefully more than a social studies test. you guys are awesome btw i was fucking golden when we got 69 kudos. 
> 
>  
> 
> The day i figure out how long my section separation underscores are is they day Bokuto gets a job.

“Very,” Koutarou paused, “Meta.”

“You know,” Kuroo started, “I don’t even know what meta means.” He held the door open for Koutarou, who frowned upon realization.

“Me neither,” He waited for Kuroo. “It just sounded right.”

A hostess greeted them, Kuroo handling all the talking while Koutarou patiently freaked the fuck out behind them.

Was he really here? On a date? With Kuroo?

Koutarou still hadn’t gotten over the fact that all of this was happening now, that this wasn’t a dream. Does Kuroo even know how much Koutarou likes him? What if the date is bad and Kuroo doesn’t take him on another one? What if they have sex in the bathroom? Well…

“I’ll take you to your table,” the hostess said, walking in front of Koutarou and Kuroo.

“Kuroo,” Koutarou whispered over his shoulder.

“Yes…?” Kuroo answered, whispering as well.

“You’re,” Koutarou paused. “Gay.”

Kuroo just sighed, defeated, sitting on one side of the booth as Koutarou sat down on the opposite.

After the waitress introduced herself and took up their drink orders, Kuroo getting beer and Koutarou not complaining because they aren’t roommates right now. They’re… dating. Wild. But Koutarou just got a water.

It was a little awkward at first, both of them flipping through the menus in silence. What was Koutarou supposed to say? Hello?

“Do you know what you’re getting?” Kuroo asked, looking up at Koutarou from his menu. Koutarou looked at Kuroo’s pretty eyes and his stupid hair. His happy smile and his pointy nose. His elbows propped on the table, cuffs of his sleeves slinking down on his wrists.

“No,” Koutarou answered, realizing he hadn’t actually read anything. “Do you?”

Oh fucking god this was so painfully awkward. Koutarou felt weird. He wants to have fun, he wants Kuroo to have fun. He wants to do this again, no matter what. Even if the waitress spills an entire pitcher of vegan water on him. Kuroo will laugh. He’ll make fun of him, but not go too far. They just need to get used to everything so formal.

“Yeah,” Kuroo said normally. “Your dad’s ass.” He smirked, and Koutarou felt a wave of relief wash over him. He never thought a dad joke would make him so happy. Shit, this date can be normal. It’s still Kuroo. Just because they’re actually dating, doesn’t mean it’s different.

“Is my ass not good enough for you?” Koutarou replied, kind of instinctively. He played a fake pouty face, Kuroo staring back into his sad eyes. Koutarou saw the pink blush on Kuroo’s face, opening his mouth to say something but then shutting it again.

“Why don’t we find out?” Kuroo said, which sounded like it should be followed with a smirk or a laugh, but Kuroo’s expression remained painfully nervous. Fuck.

“Not after I eat these fucking fajitas,” Koutarou said, flipping to a page in the menu.

“I love when you put images like that in my mind,” Kuroo grimaced, going back to his menu. “Since I’m unbearably sensible I’m getting a salad. With a salad appetizer and a salad variety ice cream bowl. Plus a little more salad on the side because fuck it, it’s my cheat day.”

“Hey, Kuroo, you fuck it up man,” Koutarou joked. “But salad can fucking do a 360 flip kick into the trash.”

When the waitress came she took Kuroo’s order. He obviously ordered his salad, a side of something with carbs and two alcoholic beverages that sounded like white people names.

When the waitress turned to Koutarou, he forgot that he had to actually tell her what he wanted. He’s not an adult.

“You want the fajitas right?” Kuroo asked, helping Koutarou out with the collapse of his brain.

“Oh yeah, make them vegan too,” Koutarou said, trying to seem like he wasn’t a child. “And vegan french fries and vegan—“

“Sorry for interrupting you sir, but I just wanted to inform you that everything here is vegan,” the waitress said, dropping the biggest bombshell of the century on Koutarou’s head. He whipped around to look at Kuroo, a face of pure embarrassment staring him in the eye. Kuroo just shrugged.

“Bro I told you we were going to a vegan place, remember?” Kuroo asked. “That’s why it’s so meta because it’s a bunch of hipsters.”

Koutarou thought for a second, going back to when Kuroo first told him that. “That makes sense, sorry.” Koutarou turned back to the waitress, internally dying. “But yeah um, vegan— sorry I just mean um noodles. These ones,” He pointed to the menu, the waitress writing up his order and taking their menus from them.

“Well,” Koutarou said, turning to face Kuroo.

“Well,” Kuroo said back.

“Cool ranch doritos or nacho?” Koutarou asked, barely containing a stupid smile.

“Don’t even get me fucking started,” Kuroo groaned, laughing.

____

“Fuck dude,” Bokuto whined as they walked out of the restaurant. He was pushing his stomach out as far as he could, holding it like he was pregnant. “I mean babe, or, um,” He paused, probably rethinking his choices. “I’m fucking stuffed.”

“I knew you and teddy bears had something in common,” Tetsurou said. “You’re both brainless too, let’s go you’re walking at a snail's pace.” Tetsurou hurried ahead. They had somewhere to be, but he didn’t wanna give Bokuto any ideas.

“I take inspiration from testudines actually, learned that one in biology,” Bokuto smiled as Tetsurou huffed, grabbing him lightly by the wrist. “And snails don’t walk they…scoot.”

“You sound like a seventy year old white woman,” Tetsurou checked his watch. They had time. Barely.

“Except I’m not racist,” Bokuto walked up next to Tetsurou as he slowed his own pace. The soul purpose of arriving on time was to fuck Bokuto up and make Tetsurou laugh. Sounds pretty pressing, right? But he’d rather just make sure Bokuto had a good time at the restaurant before Tetsurou let’s everything go to shit.

“So…” Tetsurou shoved his hands in his pockets. “I had a good time,” he decided to say instead of asking Bokuto how he felt. He didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. But Tetsurou really did have a good time. Once the waitress gave them their food Bokuto started talking about how he’s just gonna drop out of college and be a stripper, and Tetsurou had to remind him that one, he sounds like a middle school girl and two, he’s not even in college. Bokuto then defended that he’s in the college of his mind and that once you discover your sexuality you cease to age. What a fucking idiot.

“Oh, fuck yeah me too,” Bokuto said, following Tetsurou onto the sidewalk of the strip mall. It was dark outside and the honks of the car horns on the main road were far away. “We’re gonna do this again right?” Bokuto asked abruptly, slapping Tetsurou in the face with his words. Fuck. Fuck what does he even say, fuck.

“Fuck,” Tetsurou heaved, glancing at Bokuto. He looked confused, no surprise. “Um, I mean yeah. I was hoping we could do that a little more elegantly but ya know, who the fuck am I for thinking there’s gonna be any type of finesse in this relationship.”

“Relationship?” Bokuto asked, giggling.

“Fuck,” Tetsurou said, pushing open the doors to their destination hastily. “And we’re just on time.”

Tetsurou had called in to set up a time for them, so he hadn’t seen the stage yet.

The room smelt like must and old lady shoes. The carpet looked like the stuff they use in church, and the walls were a drab cream, all decor complimented by atrocious fluorescent lighting.

A group of about ten people sat in a semi circle around the “stage” which was really just a part of the floor lifted about a foot about the ground. Ages ranged from what Tetsurou could guess as sixteen to eighty five.

It was perfect.

“Bokuto-san! Kuroo-san,” a lady smiled, rushing to greet them as they entered. Bokuto was largely confused and it was hilarious. He kept looking around and when the lady talked to him he just nodded. He thinks at one point Bokuto glanced at him and both of his eyes crossed.

She urged Bokuto up on the stage and introduced him to the audience, exclaiming at how lucky they were to book him for this event and that they are simply blessed by his presence. Bokuto was just standing awkwardly, cheeks so red he could pass as a strawberry. He kept mouthing words to Tetsurou, and all he could do was laugh smugly. Hushed of course, this was a very important meeting of the Reading Roses poetry club.

“Today he’ll be doing a fantastic reading of one of his poems. Simply blessed,” She clapped her hands once, trotting back to her seat.

Tetsurou walked his way through the chairs, handing Bokuto a stapled couple of pages. Bokuto glanced over the words.

And the look on his face was fucking priceless.

Before Bokuto could protest, Tetsurou backed away as fast as he could, getting a metal folding chair and sitting close to the front.

“C’mon Bokuto-san,” He mocked. “Let’s hear it.”

Bokuto took a solid breath in, patting his chest as he spoke the first line.

“Hump me,” Bokuto glanced up at Tetsurou, a painful look in his eyes. “Fuck me.”

Everyone in the “crowd” gasped, astounded. Tetsurou couldn’t stop laughing.

“Daddy better choke you better,” He sighed, proceededing with what only Tetsurou can describe as the welcoming letter to hell. He finished off the last line, a nice big “Hump me Fuck me,” and expactantly smiled at the audience.

Tetsurou was having the best stomach workout of his fucking life, bent over in his chair laughing so hard but trying to keep it concealed, face in his hands. They probably thought he was crying. Very possible.

“Call that one,” Bokuto said, hopping down from the stage. “Deepthroat. By BoKkuto.” And to be honest, they were trying to get out of there as fast as they could. Making stupid decisions? On brand. Feeling the consequences of their actions? Never heard of her.

“Oh lord,” They heard a man say from behind them as they fled. “Bokuto-san that was amazing.” Bokuto, being the praise loving man he is, whipped around.

“Huh,” Bokuto asked confused, quickly changing his mind to. “Yeah, I know, I’m famous.”

Tetsurou grabbed his arm and pulled them out the door, unfortunately still laughing.

____

 

“So,” Koutarou started, staring at his feet as they walked up to the apartment building. “Aren’t you like,” He frowned. “A sex god or something?”

Kuroo laughed. “Why? Do you wanna find out?” Koutarou shot up to look at Kuroo, whose face was plastered with the slickest goddamn smirk Koutarou had ever seen.

Koutarou felt himself smile, uncontrollably guilty for the blush spreading across his face. “Well, we like,” Koutarou scrunched his smile to the side, unlocking the front door to the apartment. He could feel Kuroo’s eyes on him, all sappy and stuff. “Haven’t even kissed yet.”

Kuroo walked through the door, followed by Koutarou locking it. They lived directly out of Tokyo, because Kuroo’s “too old” for city life. It’s still just as dangerous though. Koutarou tried to think about anything to distract himself from the almost unreal situation he was in. This whole night had to have been a dream.

“We can change that,” Kuroo grinned, stretching his arms over the back of his head. Koutarou felt his heart drop, hands immediately going straight to his own face.

How did this happen? Has Kuroo always been this irresistible? Well, yes, he has. But the fact that Kuroo likes him back is a game changer. This is like, a whole new Kuroo. Could he make a sex joke before Koutarou called the cops on this fucking intruder?

“What?” Kuroo asked, hands on his hips. “Cat got your tongue?” He licked his lips, making eye contact with Koutarou’s very very red face.

Koutarou couldn’t help but laugh, hands still on his face. He grabbed his mouth as he chuckled, doubling over. Before he threw his head back, he saw a glimpse of Kuroo’s very confused face.

“What?” Kuroo asked, dejected.

“I love you,” Koutarou laughed, side pressed into the wall. His hand was covering his mouth, failing to conceal the obvious smile on his face.

“Woah, you’re gonna just throw around the L word like that?” Kuroo chuckled.

“Well, I mean,” Koutarou realized he was digging himself into a hole. He cringed, standing up straight. “You’re making this so hard.” Koutarou put his hands out, helplessly.

“That’s what she said,” Kuroo giggled, and Koutarou wanted to kick him.

There was a bit of silence, Koutarou just marveling in his stupidity and Kuroo staring at him with some stupid lovestruck look on his face.

“Here,” Kuroo said finally, lightly grabbing the side of Koutarou’s jaw. He’s leaned in so close that their faces were practically touching. Koutarou’s stomach was so hot, and his heart was pounding so loud he’s surprised Kuroo couldn’t hear it. “I’ll make it easy,” He pulled Koutarou’s face into his, lips touching, finally.

How long had Koutarou waited for this moment? How long had he waited to feel the way Kuroo would kiss him? Lusted after it? And here he is, just taking it for granted.

He leaned into the kiss, Kuroo’s hand that wasn’t on his jaw was on his back, and Koutarou’s hands trying their hardest to figure out which part of Kuroo they wanted to touch first.

And it wasn’t really a sloppy or deep kiss, it was so cute and appealing, their lips pressed together, smiles and blushing. No teeth clacking, no slobber. Just, a kiss.  

When Koutarou pulled away, he felt dumb.

“I’m really tired,” He frowned. Kuroo’s smile didn’t fall like Koutarou expected it to.

“Go to bed, I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” He smiled wider, rubbing circles into Koutarou’s lower back. “Thanks for, tonight.”

“It’s not like I had a choice,” Koutarou joked, and Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows, frowning. Koutarou pulled out of Kuroo’s grip, walking out of the foyer into his bedroom. “I’m just kidding,” Koutarou poked his head back from the hallway. “Me too,” He said, treading back to his room.

Once he got inside the biggest smile landed on his face, and he felt like literally the luckiest person in the world.

“Bokuto,” Kuroo said, opening Koutarou’s door abruptly. “Don’t forget to pick up your dirty clothes. Tomorrow is laundry day.”


End file.
